One of the abiding rules of submitting to the I, Anonymous Blog is NO REAL NAMES. However, I suppose there’s no rule against HINTING VERY STRONGLY… especially when the subject of the submission is someone who has made quite a name for herself screwing over her husband’s coffee company by making some very thoughtless comments […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: The Bluetooth Wanker
The I, Anonymous Blog is a great way to unleash your anonymous rants and confessions on a helpless world. And sometimes it’s also a great place to receive a warning about potential bluetooth embarassments! For example, check out this anonymous submission titled, “Snowstorm Bluetooth.” Haw! You dipped out to warm up your car and your […]
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Today on Nextdoor: Blaming the Homeless for Coyote Problems
“Arrrrroooooo! Homeless people are stealing my aluminum cans!” David McNew / Getty Images As we know, Nextdoor is the neighborhood social media app for important alerts about lost cats, racist rants, teenagers sniffing drugs, creepy dolls being left in backyards, and people who need to borrow a lemon. However, it’s also a clearing house for […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: Learn to Ride the Bus!!
Olivia Storm Apparently our Erik Henriksen’s ground-breaking piece of reporting didn’t quite take, and some of you STILL don’t know how to ride the bus! Happily there’s the I, Anonymous Blog, where this anonymous ranter is more than happy to share a refresher course. Learn to ride the fucking bus! This shit ain’t hard. But […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: Obsessive-Compulsive Hair Care
The I, Anonymous Blog is a great place to share rants and questionable opinions. But I think it’s working in top form when you send in your embarrassing confessions. Check out this very curious one titled, “I Hair Care Too Much.” I can’t stand strands of hair that stick out; I hate it. I have […]
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Remembering 2018: The Best Letters I Received from My “Billy Graham Is a Bigot and Homophobe” Article
YouTube [Wow. The Mercury wrote A LOT of stuff in 2018, and here’s a post that we think is worth remembering from March 7, 2018.—eds] Last Friday I wrote an article about flags across the nation being lowered to half-staff for Billy Graham, and how I wasn’t a huge fan of the President’s order, because […]
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Remembering 2018: Portland Has One Less Trampoline Park. OH WELL!
[Wow. The Mercury wrote A LOT of stuff in 2018, and here’s a post that we think is worth remembering from May 17, 2018.—eds] Portland will have one less trampoline park. Vasyl Dolmatov / iStock / Getty Images Plus Here’s a couple of things you might not know: 1) Portland has a trampoline park! 2) […]
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Wm. Steven Humphrey’s “Unfuckwithable Rules of the White Elephant Gift Exchange”
Our annual Mercury office “White Elephant Gift Exchange” is going down this week, and you’re not invited. HOWEVER! In the public’s interest, here is my annual blog post, “Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Three Unfuckwithable Rules of the White Elephant Gift Exchange” for those who don’t want their office White Elephant exchange to be a fucking disaster.—Wm. […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: The Ghost of Portlandia
Just when you think we’ve finally rid ourselves of the scourge of Portlandia—which perhaps single-handedly brought about most of the woes Portland experiences today—IT KEEPS PULLING US BACK IN! From an I, Anonymous Blog submission called “I Moved to Portland Because of Portlandia.“: I needed a new city to move to. I spent two years […]
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Hacker Catches Mercury Staff Touching “Intimate Parts”; Thinks This Is Worth $600
Hacker catches Mercury staff masturbating… again. Bill Hinton / Getty Despite countless warnings, the entire staff of the Mercury has once again been caught watching porn—but this time, they’re being BLACKMAILED! What follows is an email sent to the Mercury‘s general email account last night (grammatical errors left intact for your enjoyment): You can visit […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Submission o’ the Day: Treachery at the Coffee Pot!
Treachery comes in all shapes and sizes—and in this case, treachery has taken the form of taking a bite out of each of the break room’s doughnuts. From the I, Anonymous Blog: I took a gigantic bite out of each doughnut which our main industrial supplies vendor left for you, then I re-boxed them neatly […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: Make It Easier for Me to Vote, Goddamit!
Democracy is hard. And yet, it’s even harder for certain members of society, such as this person from the I, Anonymous Blog who is really, really upset about voting and STAMPS. WTF! I have to buy a stamp to mail in my ballot??? America continues to make it difficult for Americans to vote. Unless you’re […]