NY TImes Magazine [Fake editor’s note: Alex is required by law to philosophize at least once a month or he’ll have his bachelor of arts taken away. In this series, he thinks about something just enough to meet that requirement and get the commenters mad. -Still just Alex, but in italics so it seems important] […]
Alex Falcone
Alex is a moderately attractive comedian and Internet celebrity. He writes about philosophy, robots, travel, and himself.
Posted inSports
Jose Canseco’s New Year’s Resolutions
If you’re not following Jose Canseco on Twitter, do yourself a gigantic favor and get over there now. It’s the most glorious train wrecky celebrity experience you’ll ever get. Most of the time he’s insanely positive (Do u ever wake up and say to yourself. I’m a bad mother$@/:, I do.), insanely deep (If today […]
Posted inTransportation
Japanese People Win At Life With Roller Coaster Commuter Rail
Robert Gilhooly – New Scientist Yet again, the future is shaped by Japan. Why didn’t we think of commuting by roller coaster? We’re Portland, for christ’s sake. We should have been on this like white on northwest. The train dubbed “Eco Ride” works just like a coaster but without everybody putting their hands in the […]
Posted inVideo
I Was On “Spicy News” This Week and It Pretty Much Sucked
It did not occur to me that eating a habanero or two and then trying to tell topical jokes into a camera would be so… the worst. I didn’t really think much about it. I have my own late-night talk show (Late Night Action w/ Alex Falcone – season two starts in January!), so I […]
Posted inGeneral
A Non-Survivors’ Guide to the Apocalypse
You’re gonna die anyway! Here are tips for non-survival during the apocalypse.
Posted inVideo
Robot Apocalypse Update: Lamps and Swords
If you think our future rulers will take us down swiftly, maybe with some kind of massive mind-control system or death ray, you’re wrong. This guy is trying to make it so they enact their terrible mechanical reign using SWORDS. Unlike salad robot and noodle robot, there are no commercial applications to robots who fight […]
Posted inMisc.
20 Fish Facts You May Not Know
Does not approve of these facts, but probably doesn’t mind the publicity. In honor of the new Portland Aquarium opening tomorrow, I thought you would enjoy some fun facts about the sea creatures of the world. All of these are personally researched and confirmed by renowned… me. I’m not an official marine biologist per se, […]
Posted inDrunk
Ke$ha Fights The Good Fight
Fight for your right to DRUUUUNK! Ke$ha is a warrior. Every day she’s in the trenches fighting the war on… sobriety, I guess. Maybe the war against pop stars like Adelle who can actually sing? I’m not sure. But I know there’s a war on and she just got called up from the Reserves. I […]
Posted in$$$
A Review Of Those Ads Where People Give Each Other Cars For Christmas
It’s that time of the year again—the time when those Lexus ads come on TV. The ones where a rich person is like, “Here, honey. I bought you a $30k car for Christmas. And I put a bow on top.” And everybody at home is like, “What? Nobody does that.” But the rich person’s wife […]
Posted inTech
Robot Apocalypse Update: Farm Edition
Harvest Automation This will move your plants and then STRANGLE YOU! NPR’s Marketplace did a story the other day about the adorable $30k robots that are taking the place of normal, blood pumping, human workers on farms. While Americans were worried about immigrants taking our jobs, an army of robots plotted how to re-take those […]
Posted inEthics
The Big Question: How Should We Treat Anti-Geniuses?
[Fake editor’s note: Alex has a B.A. in philosophy which qualifies him to be a couple things: a Subway sandwich Artist and pedantic. In this series, he uses the latter power to ponder some of today’s most troubling moral questions. -Nobody] Haters are right about this one. Every story about a genius involves disproving doubters. […]
Posted inMisc.
The Big Question: Should I Feel Guilty About Dream Cheating?
[Fake editor’s note: Alex has a B.A. in philosophy that he hasn’t been using very much. To make his parents feel like they didn’t waste $100k, he’s going to occasionally answer big philosophical questions for us in a way that would make academics and educated people cringe. -Alex (in the 3rd person)] The other night […]