As I’m writing this, rumors are circulating that the Mueller report may be dropping in the near future, and who knows? There could be a chance that the world will have turned upside-down (or back right-side-up) by the time you read this. So… hello, friends-of-the-future! I hope it’s better on that side! It’s times like […]
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Posted inComedy
You’re Wrong About That: Your Mustache
Hello. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez, and here are some things you’re wrong about. “Spring is almost here!”: No, it isn’t. Eating salt water taffy is a fun experience: Wrong, and that has never been the case. Taxing the rich: Can’t we go straight to guillotining the rich? Babies: Wrong. Look, they’ve had a good run. “I […]
Posted inCalendar
The 13 Best Ways to Make a Difference in Portland this Week: February 28-March 13
A New Womxn’s March, Financial Literacy, and Wildlife Tracking with Cascadia Wild
Resistance events for the week of February 28-March 13
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Two, Four, Six, Eight, Who Do I Appreciate?
I’ll admit it: I often use this forum to complain about all the mean things you say to me. But today I’m breaking tradition to sing the praises of—not you, that’s for damn sure—the womxn of the Mercury! Don’t get me wrong, men’s rights activists—the Mercury dudes are pretty cool, too. They talk a little […]
Posted inFashion
Portland’s Pretty: Monuments: The Earth Expedition of Sun Ra at PAM
Was I familiar with jazz musician/poet/Afrofuturist Sun Ra before the Portland Art Museum’s recent exhibition? I’m embarrassed to say no, but man, what an exhibit it was! And the closing night was absolutely beautiful. Co-curated by Libby Werbel (founder of Portland Museum of Modern Art) and open-mic collective Deep Underground (DUG), the closing night ceremony […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: A World of Dumb Donalds
When I say, “THIS TOO, you say, SHALL PASS THIS TOO! You, presumably: SHALL PASS! THIS TOO! You, presumably: yeah actually we’re not going to keep doing this. Chant leading doesn’t really work in the written word. Hey, I’m just trying to jostle you out of your relaxing but excessive ~executive time~ to invest in […]
Posted inComedy
The Party Review: Lizard Birthday
Someone’s birthday is celebrated every day of the year, and it seems I’m determined to celebrate them all. Having been raised a Jehovah’s Witness, birthday celebrations don’t hold the same weight for me as for others. Of course you were born. How else would I know you? And obviously you survived another year. Otherwise, how […]
Posted inFashion
Unmentionable: A Peek-A-Boo Recap of Portland’s Favorite Lingerie Fashion Show
The annual Unmentionable fashion show—billed as a “lingerie exposition”—is always one of the most enjoyable, cheeky style events of the year, and the eighth go-around was no different. The energy was popping off, with the sexy designs of Jane’s Vanity, COLTY, and Thunderpants working the crowd into a frenzy. Hat tips also go out to […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: We Got a Letter
Let the bells ring and confetti fall: We got a letter! An actual handwritten letter! In the mail. This is a BIG deal, team! The Mercury rarely, if ever, gets handwritten letters anymore… and that is SAD. When we first started this paper (during the Coolidge administration), handwritten letters were the primary method of communicating […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Why Must You Yell?
If you’re interested in a fast-paced, exciting business where people love yelling at you from the top of their lungs, may I suggest newspapering? Don’t get me wrong—newspapering has been very good to me. Here are just a few of the perks I’ve received during my time at the Mercury: free coffee…. Okay, I literally […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: Witch Hunts and Radioactive Puppy Butts
Hi. (Depending on your mood, you can read that “hi” in the voice of Ross Geller from Friends [pathetic and whiny] or President Fitzgerald Grant from Scandal [powerful and sexy]. Although, the more I think about it, Ross and Fitz are very much alike; both are needy man-babies who don’t deserve the accomplished women in […]
Posted inCalendar
The 12 Best Ways to Make a Difference in Portland this Week: January 31-February 13.
Take Action for Puerto Rico, Ori Gallery’s Anniversary Fundraiser, and an Examination of Portland’s Governance
Resistance events for the week of January 31-February 13