The Mercury‘s postwoman (postperson?) (postmanlady?) just dropped by with a bundle of post, and the unsubstantiated rumor that the Slammer on SE 8th and Stark is planning to have an inauguration party on the 20th, starting at 6pm, with, quote, “dancing girls on the roof.” I would like to see some Obama nipple-tassles, personally. The […]
Drunk
Posted inDrunk
If You Love Vegetables, Then This Should Cure That
There are so many horrifying/awesome/disturbing things about this, I don’t know where to begin. Soooo… LET’S DO THE VEGGIE-BOOGIE! And if that didn’t freak the poop out of your body and into your pants, then be sure to check this same band’s version of “Everyone is Differently Abled.” BRRRRRR!!! Hat tips to Everything is Terrible!
Posted inArtsy
Exploding Banana Face Man
Behold! The newest internet meme: Sticking fruit on your face, and exploding it with firecrackers. However, don’t underestimate Exploding Banana Face Man. Not only is it hilarious (number 7 banana is the best!), there’s some serious Jean-Paul Sartre/Waiting for Godot philosophical shit happening up in here. Isn’t he just the perfect representation of man alone […]
Posted inDrunk
Everything About This Is Perfect
Aside from that, I don’t have a clue. It sort of just broke my brain. And that’s just the way I like it. Enjoy:
Posted inDrunk
Monkey on Bicycle vs. Human on Unicycle… WHO YA GOT?!
Before watching this, go get a friend and make the following bet: Who would win in a race, a monkey on a bicycle or a human on a unicycle? Crap. I keep forgetting the age-old adage, “Never bet against a monkey under any circumstances.” Anyway, once again, “THANK YOU, CHINA,” and “FUCK YOU, PETA.” (I’m […]
Posted inDrunk
This Just In: Old People are Funny!
Ah, if only there were a news show written and anchored entirely by old people who got all their information entirely from forwarded emails. Wait… there is? Oh, goodie. Here you go. Old People News Atom.com: Funny Videos | Spoofs | TV & Movie Spoofs
Posted inDrunk
Beer Goodness. 5th Quadrant. Next Thursday.
Those fine brewers at New Old Lompoc’s 5th Quadrant will be tapping a very special keg of porter tomorrow next Thursday, January 15th, from 3-6 PM. The brew was conditioned for 3 months in fresh bourbon barrels before being blended and aged another three months. It’s called Pagan Porter and just might have you feeling […]
Posted inDrunk
R2D2 vs. Bar2D2: Who Ya Got?
R2D2 is cute and all, but fact remains the little shit is a trouble maker. Sure it’s a clever little droid, but when was the last time R2 served Luke an Altorian milk-ale? I’m guessing never. Bar2D2 on the other hand is less cute and somehow more sinister than R2. It will get you wasted […]
Posted inDrunk
Hate the Smoking Ban?
Probably not as much as this guy: William Gary Wahl was booked into the Jackson County Jail for “reckless burning” after he allegedly destroyed a No Smoking sign at a Southern Oregon club called The Office. According to police reports, Wahl lit a cigarette in the club before being told he wasn’t allowed to smoke […]
Posted inDrunk
Drunk Drank?
Last week at a New Year’s Day brunch, we were lamenting how Sparks will never be the same, and someone brought up Drank. Then, it reappeared in my life yesterday when I read this week’s NYT magazine article about the new drink, an herby, B.S.-y blend of Valerian root, rose hips, and melatonin that’s supposed […]
Posted inFood and Drink
When Blog Posts Collide
Yesterday, Ned Lannamann “directed” a film based on an office conversation through the awesome xtranormal text-to-movie website. At the same time, I was judging a cheesy pick-up line contest to give away a Tillamook Cheese Cookbook. Today, I have combined the awesome power of these two posts to bring you a film directed (more skillfully […]
Posted inDrunk
Spotted on Craigslist!
Free Cher Doll (Portland)Reply to: see belowDate: 2009-01-04, 7:37PM PST I inherited this from my aunt, its a cher doll from the 1980’s. I think its from her “Turn Back Time” Video. Im just not a big cher fan so I have no use for it. Call Me singing a cher song and its yours […]