That thing around Ms. Lohan’s ankle is a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor, which works by measuring alcohol content in the wearer’s perspiration. As you may have heard, Lohan’s SCRAM anklet went off during a post-MTV Awards party on Sunday, instigating a new li’l shitstorm of revoked-then-repaid bail and dramatic protestations from the Camp Lohan, […]
Gossip
Posted inFashion
Rihanna’s Red Hair
Rihanna showed up to Saturday’s Rock in Rio festival with a brand new look: I’d like to think it’s a somewhat belated response directed at MIA. Otherwise, I’m duly impressed she is pulling this off, even though the pop-punk-y thing is kind of boner killing in general. (And yes, that is a cone bra.)
Posted inGossip
Karol Collymore’s Shoes
Are the best. The County Commissioner candidate says she’s been up since 5AM this morning, awaking early to stare at her bedroom ceiling and wonder, “What the hell I’ve gotten myself into.” She has been furiously doorknocking in the past couple weeks, hoping to lead voters in a race that’s crowded and hotly contested. Also […]
Posted inMedia
“Being Hated Pays My Bills”: An Exclusive Interview with Spencer Pratt
This Friday Matt “The Law” Lindland, Olympic wrestler and former Republican nominee for the House of Representatives, will be facing off in the Rose Garden against “King” Kevin Casey. Casey is an up-and-coming fighter in the MMA (mixed martial arts) who earned a brown belt under Brazilian jiu-jitsu legend, Rickson Gracie. Exuding extreme intensity over […]
Posted inGossip
Jesse James Speaks Out About (Sob!) the Black Baby He Will Never Hold!!
As briefly mentioned in Good Morning News, Sandra Bullock has adopted an African-American baby and is divorcing that cheating sack of shit and alleged Nazi sympathizer Jesse James. HOLD ON. I’m being waaaay too harsh. According to this statement Jesse issued to People magazine, he’s actually got at least one iota of decency in his […]
Posted inHomo
Something’s Coming, Something Good…
Via Gawker and Queerty: Finally we turn our eyes to a stunning mystery. Supposedly there is going to be a big celebrity coming-out on May 5th. Naturally it will take place on the cover of People magazine, America’s top choice for coming out location after your mom’s car while she’s driving you to the airport […]
Posted inGossip
Focus on the Family Should Really Just Firebomb Hollywood
I sincerely hope that if somebody ever pays me tricks me into marrying them that they will conduct their tawdry affairs with a sense of political correctness and half a brain. Tiger’s sexts and Jessie James’ historical reenactments and now this nonsense: In Touch via Video Gum You’re not even trying Sheen! And what are […]
Posted inGossip
They Have Rehab for Nazi Cheataholics Now?
Hump addressed this in Good Morning, News!, but it really deserves its own post, with picture. Yes, that fantabulous photo to the right shows Jesse James giving a Nazi salute while donning a German soldier cap. As US Weekly reports, the pic was taken in 2004, a year before his marriage to Oscar-winner Sandra Bullock, […]
Posted inGossip
Why Dennis Hopper Will Never Die
In case you haven’t heard the news, famed actor Dennis Hopper (Easy Rider, Blue Velvet, Speed) is dying of terminal prostate cancer. However, he’s actually not dying, and will live on forever thanks to this horrifying tin wind-up toy developed by Larriva over at Etsy. Thanks… I think? Dennis “Hopper”—GET IT?!?