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Looks like someone is trigger happy! You walked into to my Optical shop, looking like a nice enough older gentleman but the first words out of your mouth were “You must be one of those gun people”. Stunned, I had to ask you to repeat your idiocracy. When I realized you were referring to the […]

Here’s a person who solves traffic problems… with his foot! I hope you enjoy the big Doc Martin boot sized dent in your back passenger door. You were clearly in tooo big a hurry to even stop and confront me. Had my daughter been with me or had you been about a centemeter closer we […]

This will teach him for reaching underneath the seat! I subscribe to a car sharing company. Yesterday after I parked and was gathering my stuff, I did the usual reach under seat. I pulled out one of those plastic clear christmas candy cane tubes, the kind usually filled with crappy generic m&m’s. I can see […]

Here’s a person who needs a job… let’s look at his/her qualifications: i am unemployed but not desperate. not desperate enough to work for minimum wage with every hour of every day available to do meaningless work. not desperate enough to apply for a job with an employer who will not tell me who they […]

This I, Anonymous goes out to all our homies at Beaumont Middle School—and in particular the girls who go there and also ride the #44 bus! Today we saw some of your rowdy classmates pile onto the bus, being loud and disrespectful. The bus driver even yelled at them. They pulled the cord a stop […]

Somebody was being mean to a pinball machine, guys! So this writer was psyched to try out a new pinball machine, and was waiting to play it when… Imagine my horror, after I placed our food order, when my friend told me how you drained your last ball, turned off the machine before it registered, […]

Similar to the phenomenon of “hate watching” television—which I fully plan to do with the first season of Smash one of these days—I enjoy hate reading terrible-yet-high-profile magazine articles. Like Elizabeth Wurtzel’s wonderfully incoherent New York Magazine piece about how tough it is to be an uncompromising free spirit in this world. Or this week’s […]

Here’s a submission from the nicest I, Anonymous writer EVER. Where I come from, we slap our dogs when they bark to cease them from barking when they shouldn’t, but Portland, they’re ‘like people and are just trying to talk’. Spare me the horseshit. Oh, but I have found a solution. Do you know why […]

Waitasecond… you did WHAT? And then he did WHAT?? To the douchebag jaywalking on Hawthorne during rush hour: You sashayed across the street on a red light, and I revved my engine at you (my light had just turned green) as you delayed me on my way to a business that I was trying to […]