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Internet dating! A technological dream come true for lonely nerds? Or a great big (and sometimes creepy) “P” in the “A”? YOU BE THE JUDGE! Oh internet dating… we meet for wine and dessert. You’re attractive, have a job, have things to talk about but no spark. Nothing making me want a second date. We […]

While the I, Anonymous Blog is a great place to drop off your rants about killer hillbillies and swinging mailmen, don’t forget it’s also great for confessions! Like this one, where a first date at the movie theater turned horribly awry. That’s when I realized to my horror that what I mistook for simple gas […]

Ummm… say what you will about the I, Anonymous Blog… sometimes it offers very good advice. When you are first born you learn to cry to get attention, then you learn to crawl so you can eventually walk and be mobile and finally you learn to NEVER FUCKING MICROWAVE FISH AT WORK!! Or popcorn! Am […]

Normally I would publish a quote from the best I, Anonymous blog submission of the day… but in this case, I think the headline will suffice. Don’t Rub CD’s On Your Pubes, Please Explanation here, and after reading it be sure to drop off your own confession or rant—just don’t… you know… rub it on […]

Here’s something new… a restaurant turns you down for employment, BUT! They offer you a free burrito instead! Good deal, right? Apparently, WRONG. Guess what I got in the mail! You’ve been measured, sliced and diced, thrown in the fire, grilled, and served. Now- (Turn postcard over) Have a burrito on us. Yep. That’s the […]

Under normal circumstances, the genre of “poetry” is as welcome in Mercury publications as a stubborn case of herpes. BUT! This poem is about herpes! Soooooo… what choice do we have? I almost posted your face with the word Herpesbut decided instead to write this I, Anonymous piece. This could be the best or worst […]

Need a baby? Awesome. Just follow the advice of this person, and you’ll have your own half-foreign baby in no time!* I know you told me that you did not want a baby; that you were just a student and were going to go back to your country in a couple of months. We had […]

Wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT. An I, Anonymous submission that shows an ounce of self-awareness? SOMEBODY MARK TODAY ON THE CALENDAR! On the surface I’m lovely- smart, witty, pretty good-looking (if I do say so myself), tattooed and just a little bit twee. But get to know me a bit more over the […]

What’s all this then? A common grocery store employee? JUDGING ME?!? Indeed, fair beer aisle shoppers. The people who stock those shelves and happily offer recommendations also harbor some level of disdain for the clueless AND fanboys alike. Not that we expect you to care, but we’re looking at you, “Pliny The Elder-guy”… you come […]

Another reason why MFNW should be BANNED! To the complete piece of human garbage who punched me in the face at the Girl Talk concert at Pioneer Square during Musicfest NW. What the fuck is your problem? Do you roll out of bed in the morning and think to yourself ‘I’m going to find a […]