A substitute teacher in Central Washington has found respite—ten years ago, he vowed to not shave his beard until Osama was caught, dead or alive. Today, he and a nation rejoice: Gary Weddle was a substitute teacher in Wenatchee when the infamous al-Qaeda terrorist attack occurred on the World Trade Center and Pentagon on Sept. […]
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Posted inMusic
“Who Tried to Murder Debbie Harry?”: Another Blogtown Mystery
Image by © Lynn Goldsmith/Corbis From an interview with Blondie’s Debbie Harry via The Selvedge Yard: “It was in the early ’70s and I was trying to get across town at two or three o’clock in the morning. This little car kept coming around and offering me a ride. I kept saying ‘No’ but finally […]
Posted inCity Hall
Downtown Crisis: Sometimes People Who Live Downtown Have to Look at Homeless People!
Proposed expansion zone Christ it’s been a long day at Portland City Hall. So, right now, the council is deciding whether to extend the Clean and Safe contract downtown for another 10 years, and maybe to think about whether to expand the district to include some of the new condos that have sprouted up between […]
Posted in?!?!?
I HAVE QUESTIONS: Wayne Brady Edition
This is the cover image for the new Wayne Brady kids album on Walt Disney Records, which just turned up in a press release in my inbox. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. • Is Wayne Brady wearing suspenders?• If he is wearing suspenders, is one allowed to wear suspenders over a vest like that?• Why are […]
Posted in?!?!?
Everything About This Story is Perfect.
I will now quote an article from the Palm Beach Post in its entirety. But first, the mugshot: T. LUCIE COUNTY, Fla. – Police arrested a 67-year-old man after a woman said he “charged” her in his electric wheelchair, crashing into her bicycle after chasing her around a parking lot for three days. She said […]
Posted inSports
A Beginner’s Guide to the Timbers, and Major League Kronum
Tonight the Timbers have their first major league Kronum game against the Chicago Fire at their new home in Jeld-Wen Field—however, many of our readers are still very unfamiliar with the basic rules and gameplay of Kronum, which is why Blogtown is happy to provide you with this Kronum 101 guide… to playing KRONUM!! GOOD […]
Posted in?!?!?
Who Broke the Mercury Window? Another Blogtown Mystery.
A window at the Mercury office was senselessly broken yesterday immediately following our charity yard sale. So who was the perpetrator? Here are your clues, Blogtown Crime Crackers! • A robot-shaped punching dummy (which mysteriously went unsold) was directly outside the window.• A somewhat inebriated Alison Hallett was heard outside telling someone to “PUNCH IT […]
Posted inFood and Drink
Wow, This Product Still Exists?
Couldn’t they at least have the decency to re-title it The Original Snoopy Exercise in Futility Machine? Or The Original Snoopy Elbow Grease and Frustration Factory? Or The Original Snoopy Frosty Child Labor Palace? Or The Original Snoopy Ha-Ha-Hope-You-Didn’t-Actually-Want-A-Snow-Cone Plastic House-Shaped Box of Disappointment? Or The Original Snoopy Summertime Fuck You Jamboree? I mean, really. […]
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Have You Heard About This Crazy Tennessee Theme Park?
I actually read out loud this article from the New York Times to some friends over breakfast on Sunday (though I’m not sure they were listening over the masticating sounds of their own delicious biscuit-munching) (why does that sound dirty?). It is crazy: Earlier this month, at a news conference in a field on the […]
Posted inSex
Creepy Roommate Creates Lo Mein Sex Doll
Here’s a terrifying story of roommate horror that could help you get reacquainted with your breakfast. On Wednesday writer Peter Kassel posted an online account he heard while looking for a room to sublet in New York. Upon finding a great little room in the Lower East Side for cheap Kassel had to ask Doug, […]
Posted inPortland
PSU is a Nazi Liberal Alien Conspiracy!
And much more! My friend just moved here to get her masters at Portland State University. Last night she and I did an internet search on the comically named current PSU president, Wim Wiewel. Little did we expect that the first site we clicked on would clue us in to the REAL truth about PSU! […]