HUMP! Film Festival Returns Nov. 8-23

Portland’s Most Scrumptious Spots for Foodie Gifts

Food Fight!
Food Fight! Kathleen Marie / Mercury Staff

Not once in my five and a half years of living in Portland have I ever thought, “Gosh, I wish I knew where I could find some good food around here!” As every insufferable national trend piece will tell you, we’re a veritable foodie mecca. But not every Portland food specialty translates to an ideal holiday gift—a pastrami sandwich from Kenny & Zuke’s might seem like a great gift at the outset, but wait until the grease bleeds through your artisanal wrapping paper!


But there are plenty of local shops here stuffed with packaged food items that will make lovely gifts for the home cook, food snob, or munchie-prone loved one in your life. Here’s a small sampling of those shops—a taster tray, if you will.


MoonBrine Pickles

Look, there are basically two types of people in this world: Pretty Hot and Super Dill. Oh, did I say person? I meant pickle—at least, those are the two types you’ll find at MoonBrine Shop N’ Snacketeria, a shop meant to satisfy your briniest cravings. (2505 SE 11th, 11 am-3:30 pm Monday-Friday or by appointment.)


Food Fight! Grocery

The only thing more “Portland” than local food is vegan local food, which happens to be Food Fight’s specialty. Here you’ll find a range of delightfully unhealthy vegan junk food and desserts, the perfect stocking stuffers for your favorite herbivore. (1217 SE Stark and 11155 NE Halsey, 9 am-8 pm daily.)


Pok Pok

The best edible Christmas gift I ever received was a sample pack of Pok Pok drinking vinegars, which included flavors like basil, tangerine, and ginger. These tart, slightly sweet mixers make great cocktails and mocktails, and will have the instant effect of making you feel like a fancy mixologist. You can pick up a pack of your own at the restaurant. (3226 SE Division, 11:30 am-10 pm daily.)


World Foods

The last time I visited World Foods, I couldn’t get the Frank Ocean lyric “you made me lose my self-control” out of my head. Frank was presumably singing about some great forbidden love, but I was singing about the unmatched selection of worldly treats and goodies at this local grocery story. I could list them, but what’s the point? You’ve got to go, experience it for yourself, and fill up your cart with presents for your entire family and extended friend group. Oh, and as a bonus, they’ve got a stellar beer selection. (830 NW Everett, daily 8 am-9 pm; 9845 SW Barbur, daily 7 am-10 pm)

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SEX

Savage Love: Mom Insists Anal Sex Injures Women

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Yesterday you lamented the fact that "those relatively easy 'how-to' or 'what-that' questions" had dried up, so here goes: I recently showed my mother the first few episodes of the magnificent Fleabag (all hail Phoebe Waller-Bridge!) and she found it profoundly disturbing. Her main concern was the (female) lead character's laissez-faire attitude to anal sex. A little background: Mom's a recovering Catholic. She's an avowed liberal, a feminist, and has spent her entire life working against her hideously moralistic, paternalistic upbringing. She's also a neuropsychologist and a big fan of Esther Perel. But occasionally the Catholicism evokes a fear-based knee-jerk reaction in her otherwise entirely rational and decent head.

I pointed out that it can't be that problematic because men have been doing it to each other for literally millennia. She told me that the practice, while safe for men, can cause a degeneration of the wall between a [cis] woman's vaginal canal and her... colon maybe? It wasn't clear and my anatomy is rusty. Apparently this leads to unspeakable infections, injuries, and attendant horrors. She said this had happened to a friend of my (staunchly Catholic, slut-shaming, misogyny-internalizing, pedophile-priest-forgiving) grandmother. Now, I feel kind of dumb for even asking the question. I'm 41, extremely open-minded and consider myself a student and celebrant of human sexuality, yet I've never heard of this? So help me, Dan:

1. Is this some misconception on the part of my Mom?

2. Is it a bullshit cautionary tale with which granny for some ungodly reason felt it necessary to burden her?

3. Was the poor woman in the anecdote perhaps anally raped or at least penetrated with such force and regularity that an anomalous and highly unusual medical fate befell her?

Is This A Thing

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Republicans Try to Get Lt. Col. Vindman to Break the Law During Impeachment Hearing

After a stirring opening statement, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman (on the right) came under attack from Trumps stooges.
After a stirring opening statement, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman (on the right) came under attack from Trump's stooges. CF

At least the day didn't begin with Devin Nunes talking about "nude pics of Trump," like the previous two impeachment hearings did. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he was consumed with thinking about how he was going to try to get one of today's witnesses to out the whistleblower.

In addition to Nunes's opening statement, House Chair Adam Schiff gave an opening statement (when he meant to say "work with Rudy" he accidentally said "work with Judy"), followed by an opening statement from Jennifer Williams in the vice president's office, followed by an opening statement by Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman of the National Security Council. Both Williams and Vindman were on the infamous phone call between Trump and Ukraine's president; they were first-hand witnesses.

Lt. Col. Vindman, who was a 3-year-old Jewish boy fleeing Ukraine with his family when they arrived in the United States, and who has shrapnel in his body from a roadside bomb in Iraq where he was serving as an infantry officer in the United States Army, looked nervous, his hands shaking. He pointed out that if he lived in a place like Russia, he would be murdered for testifying in a hearing like this.

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Portland Has Been Overcharging People for Public Records, Court Finds

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Endai Huedl / Getty Images

A Multnomah County judge has ruled that the City of Portland's current method for calculating the cost of a public records search is "excessive" and "not reasonable."

In a Monday ruling, Circuit Court Judge Shelly Russell ordered the city to stop overcharging members of the public for routine requests for city emails or documents. Under state law, any member of the public can request these documents, and the city is obligated to turn them over in a timely fashion.

Her findings stem from a civil lawsuit filed by affordable housing advocate Alan Kessler in September 2018. Kessler had requested records of emails involving Wendy Chung, a member of the city's Historic Landmarks Commission whom Kessler suspected was wielding her power unethically.

The city initially denied Kessler's request, citing formatting issues, but his appeal to the Multnomah County District Attorney was upheld. In response, the city informed Kessler that his request would cost a steep $205.61. So, he sued.

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The MORE Act Wants to Legalize Cannabis. Awesome, But How Viable is It?

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Matt_benoit / iStock / Getty

On Wednesday, Congress is expected to begin voting on an important piece of legislation regarding cannabis—the MORE Act. We’ve touched on the MORE Act before, and how its chances fared in comparison to its cannabis banking cousin, the SAFE Act, which received a vote on September 24, and passed with a remarkable 321 yeas to 103 nays.

By being solely about money, the SAFE Act had broader support from Republicans than MORE, which includes social justice, expungements, and legalization as its tent poles, and as such, hasn’t found much support from the GOP. I know... shocking.

If it does pass—and that remains a sizable “if”—the MORE Act would do some remarkable things. According to Merry Jane:

“[The MORE Act] would completely remove cannabis from the Controlled Substances Act. The bill would also create a Cannabis Justice Office, a new division of the Department of Justice that would be tasked with providing restorative justice to communities disproportionately impacted by cannabis prohibition."

The Cannabis Justice Office would work to expunge the records of anyone with minor weed offenses and allow those who are currently behind bars for weed crimes to apply for resentencing. Federal agencies would be prevented from denying public benefits or security clearances to cannabis users, and immigration authorities would be prevented from deporting individuals over small-scale cannabis use.

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Mayoral Candidate Sarah Iannarone Releases Sweeping Public Safety Plan

Sarah Iannarone speaking at a campaign event.
Sarah Iannarone speaking at a recent community event. MADDIE MASCHGER

Sarah Iannarone, an urban policy consultant and contender in Portland's 2020 mayoral election, released a list of her campaign's public safety priorities Tuesday morning.

The 11-page document is a mix of aspirational and concrete ideas on a broad range of local issues that intersect with law enforcement. The detailed document doesn't offer any big surprises, but does show how far Iannarone's willing to drift to the left of incumbent Ted Wheeler. We've plucked out some of the more notable suggestions—with added context—below. (For the entire plan, click here.)

Direct leadership to "show up in times of conflict alongside our people" and encourage public participation in peaceful protests. This is a clear jab at Wheeler's absence from Portland's headline-grabbing protests and Police Chief Danielle Outlaw's ask for Portlanders to not participate in an August 2019 protest. Iannarone adds that police officers should always intervene when a fight breaks out between protesters, and prioritize attendees' personal safety over deterring property destruction.

Establish a "zero-tolerance policy" for racist officers. "Police officers who have been found demonstrating racist or violent behavior have lost the trust of the public and shall be fired." Iannarone hints at the city's continued employment of PPB Capt. Mark Kruger, who was suspended for two weeks in 2010 after erecting a plaque to honor Nazi soldiers in a public park.

Abolish the Gun Violence Reduction Team. Iannarone echoes a 2018 city audit, which found that members of the GVRT (then the Gang Enforcement Team) disproportionately pulls over drivers of color. "While all gangs should be discouraged, it is clear that the police have been profiling people of color rather than individuals engaging in criminal activity," she writes.

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A 12-Year-Old Reviews Frozen II

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Disney

It starts out with Young Elsa and Young Anna, and, I don’t know, this is just my opinion, but I didn’t think that part was very necessary, necessarily? I thought the story was good. I thought the parts were well thought out and they had some depth to them, if you know what I mean? Like some parts were really sad, and some parts could be interpreted in a lot of different ways. Also, you know how in the first Frozen, there’s like this main song that you know is the main song? In this one, there’s like three or four different songs that could be that main song. There were songs that like Elsa and Anna and Kristoff sang that could qualify for that position. I thought they were fine. I don’t hate them but I don't like them. They’re not my style. They’re tolerable. And I felt like the Olaf song in this one was a little bit unnecessary. I felt like it was funny, for comedic purposes. Other than that it didn’t serve a purpose for expanding on the story.


The salamander fire dude was honestly really cool because he’s really cute and he’s a small salamander that causes large fire things.


This second movie was more dark and generally, on the scare-o-meter, it would be higher than Frozen. I thought the animation in the movie was actually pretty good. There were those ice figures, and seeing the memory of Elsa’s mother and father. And the salamander fire dude was honestly really cool because he’s really cute and he’s a small salamander that causes large fire things. So I would honestly give the CGI a thumbs up.

I feel like the whole point of this movie was: Do the next right thing. I feel like this movie was trying to send a message to kids to do the next right thing. But the style isn’t directed at kids my age. I’m in middle school, and I don’t think middle schoolers want to watch Frozen II. I feel like Frozen II is directed at younger kids more than middle schoolers.



Frozen II opens Thurs Nov 21 at various theaters.


Shop Local: Our Favorite Thrift Stores and Antique Malls

Lounge Lizard
Lounge Lizard Kathleen Marie / Mercury Staff

Hello! I’m a thrifty mothereffer! That’s why I spend a lot of time combing Portland’s best thrift stores and antique malls every year to score holiday gifts, as well as the clothes on my back, the shoes on my feet, and the Urkel posters on my wall. Here are a few of my faves....


House of Vintage

When I’m looking for clothing of the cooler variety, Hawthorne’s House of Vintage is usually my first stop for the immensity of its collection, if nothing else. There are so many vendors here it’s next to impossible to go home without an awesome vintage leather jacket, a rare record album, an orange sparkly motorcycle helmet, a pearl-buttoned Western shirt, or a black velvet painting of a kitten that looks like its paws have been amputated. Book the entire afternoon for this one—you’ll need the time. (3315 SE Hawthorne)


Artifact

Here’s another heavily curated vintage store where the selection leans ’70s and is in immaculate shape. Expect cool jerseys, slick jackets and jumpsuits, groovy belts, kitschy artwork, various and fascinating textiles, bitchin’ handwoven rugs, and lovely lamps. I have a vintage ’70s trailer that’s stocked to the brim with stuff from Artifact, and I am eternally grateful. (3630 SE Division)


Lounge Lizard

This is where I go for lamps. I also go here for gently used and reasonably priced mid-century furniture and knickknacks—but mostly for lamps. I cannot stress this enough: Their lamp game is STRONG. The proper lighting can make any shithole look cool, so if you can’t find the vintage lighting system you’re looking for here... then come back in a month, because it will probably be here then. (1426 SE Hawthorne)


Main Street Collector’s Mall & Soda Fountain

Housed in a former old-timey drugstore, the Main Street Collector’s Mall in quaint downtown Milwaukie is a must-stop if you have geeky pals on your gift list. They have rows upon rows of glass cases filled with all sorts of vintage movie, TV, and comic book character stuff, and it’s all very affordable. Housewares, old-timey Christmas decorations, and record albums are also on the premises—as well as (PREPARE THYSELF) a working old-timey soda fountain where you can enjoy delicious, long-lost ice cream drinks like the black cow, egg cream, malts, root beer floats, and the best drink in the world that doesn’t have alcohol in it, the lime rickey. (10909 SE Main, Milwaukie)

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Good Morning, News: More Damning Impeachment Chats, Trifecta Closes, and a Majority Supports Kicking Trump Out of Office

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Jennifer Williams and Lt. Col Alexander Vindman testify about Trumps utter corruption.
Jennifer Williams and Lt. Col Alexander Vindman testify about Trump's utter corruption. Win McNamee/Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It seems so many times he seemed to be the one, but all he ever wanted was to have a little fun. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

GOOD MORNING, IMPEACHMENT: Testifying before the impeachment inquiry committee today are Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, the NSC's top Ukraine expert, and Jennifer Williams, an adviser to Veep Mike Pence. Both were listening in on the extortion call that Trump made to the Ukrainian president, and are expressing their shock about how inappropriate (and politically motivated!) it was. Both are also answering questions about how they've been verbally attacked by Trump and his GOP cronies in an attempt to besmirch their patriotism.


Later today, former US special envoy to Ukraine Kurt Volker (one of the [UGH!] "three amigos" who implemented the president's extortion plot) will also be testifying for the impeachment committee, desperately trying to backpedal on the whoppers he previously told. Portland's own Gordon Sondland will be attempting to retract his own lies tomorrow.

A new ABC News/Ipsos poll reveal that now a majority of Americans (51 percent) favor impeaching and kicking Trump out of office, and a whopping 70 percent think his extortion plot was wrong.

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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day: Nobody Cares About Your Birthday!

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Hey! Are any of you celebrating your birthday today? If so, be sure to show up at the restaurant where the person who wrote this I, Anonymous works—because they want to tell you to "FUCK OFF." From "Nobody Cares About Your Birthday" from the I, Anonymous Blog:

Hey guess what, when you go out to eat on your birthday, unless you're 5 years old, DON'T ASK THE STAFF TO SING TO YOU!!! You're a grown adult, ask your friends to sing to you! (If they're your real friends, you shouldn’t have to ask!) We don’t give two shits about your birthday and you don’t deserve a free meal! If you have people in your life that care about you, they will buy your meal or a piece of cake. I’m sick of people that think they’re entitled to some free food and a song from fucking total strangers! I don’t mind singing for a little kid because that is cute and kids deserve to have a special day. But you're an adult—so act like one and buy yourself a scoop of ice cream! Happy birthday and fuck off!!!

Aaaaand maaaaaany mooooooooore! Got a rant, confession, or aggro birthday wish to share with the world? Drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog—and if it's super good, we may run it in the print edition of the Mercury, OR read it live onstage at the monthly I, Anonymous Show (coming up Wednesday, December 4 at Curious Comedy Theater!)!


Shop Local: The Greatest Gift of All Is Beer

Johns Marketplace
John's Marketplace Kathleen Marie / Mercury Staff

In Portland, there’s good beer everywhere you look. Even the rundown mini-mart on the corner has a cooler filled with craft brew, and the chain grocery stores usually have at least one good 12-pack on special for the weekend. But Portland’s also got plenty of specialized beer and bottle shops where the selection’s impeccable and the staff operates at genius level, so be sure to check out these terrific places to find the perfect gift for the beer lover on your list—even if that beer lover is you.


Belmont Station

Portland’s ultimate beer den has expanded greatly from its days as a hidey-hole next door to the Horse Brass (back in the days when it was actually located on Belmont). Now located on Stark, Belmont Station is a veritable compound of all things beer, with their 34-tap Biercafé adjoining a selection of more than 1,400 different kinds of bottles and cans, and more coming in each week. This is the place to score the newest, freshest, rarest thing to drink, but be sure to stop in often, because limited releases can disappear off shelves in a matter of days. There are also tons of tastings, tappings, and special events on their calendar, and they even collaborate with breweries for special Belmont Station beers you won’t find anywhere else. (4500 SE Stark, belmont-station.com)


John’s Marketplace

An old grocery store that’s been stuffed to the gills with beer, John’s Marketplace has one of the city’s biggest selections; wandering through its shelves is like getting lost in a musty, stack-filled bookstore, except with beer. They’ve got a great selection of kegs for sale, too, plus a huge amount of wine (if your household swings both ways), and there’s a deli counter where you can score super-cheap burgers. Keep your eyes peeled for John’s to open their second location sometime in 2020, located on Southeast Powell in the former home of the Original Taco House. (3535 SW Multnomah Blvd, johnsmarketplace.com)


The BeerMongers

Drink your beer here or take it to go: The BeerMongers, in addition to having lots of coolers jam-packed with bottled and canned beer, has a 10-tap bar and a cozy rec-room feel, with TVs, board games, and plenty of beer obsessives to chat with over a pint of something uncommon and good. Located in inner Southeast Portland’s beer nexus, it’s a stone’s throw away from Apex Beer Bar, Grixsen Brewing, Baerlic Brewing, Vagabond Brewing, and lots more, so it can either be part of an epic beer crawl or you can make it a destination in its own right. (1125 SE Division, thebeermongers.com)

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Trump's Offer to Testify at His Own Impeachment Hearing Is Proof of How Popular the Impeachment Is

The actuality of his presence at the hearings is pretty low, but he wants all eyes on him
The actuality of his voluntary presence at the hearings is pretty low. But damn, that audience of many millions watching the impeachment hearings is such an enticing carrot. Alex Brandon-Pool/Getty Images

There is no mystery here. The ratings for the impeachment are impressive. Nearly 14 million people tuned into the first day of the hearings. And 13 million watched on their second day. Trump has not seen those kind of numbers since his inauguration, which had 30 million viewers (8 million less than Obama's inauguration, however). The tweet that he sent during Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch's testimony had little to do with its apparent target, the career of a much-admired diplomat, and almost everything do with Trump's deepest instinct, which is to always put himself at the center of an event or trend that's popular. If Trump made a rap record, it would be called All Eyez on Me.

And he seems not to care which eyes are on him. They can be rural, they can be fans of street fighting or professional wrestling, or those of the readers of the National Enquirer. Indeed, the most fascinating revelation in the new documentary about this tabloid Scandalous is that, in the 1980s, a peak period in the tabloids 70-year history, Trump would give the reporters dirt on himself. He would even call the National Enquirer's reporters and, under and an assumed name, provide gossip about Donald Trump's doings. The reporters, who recorded these calls, knew very well it was Trump calling them, but the played along. Trump will always be Trump.

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Rose City Rollers' All-Stars Win Their Fourth International Roller Derby Championship

Wheels of Justice Jammer Eve Anne Hellical
Wheels of Justice Jammer Eve Anne Hellical Quick'N' Derby Photography

The Rose City Rollers' Wheels of Justice (WOJ), the all-star team comprised of the best of the bad-asses that compete in our local roller derby league, made more history this past weekend, bringing home their fourth International Women's Flat Track Derby Association Championship trophy. The big win is a repeat of last year's tournament victory by the WOJ and a capstone for the Rose City Rollers' travel team's undefeated 2019 season.

The weekend-long event, held for the first time ever outside the US in Montréal, Québec, featured a pair of international teams, including an all-star squad from the Victorian Roller Derby League of Melbourne, Australia, one from Montréal, as well as 2x4 Roller Derby, a team from Buenos Aires, Argentina that made its tournament debut this year.

While it wasn't necessarily easy work for the WOJ, they swept aside all the competition handily, outscoring the other teams a combined 505-210 over the course of three matches.

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Canna-Charities: Help Jayne Get Toys to Needy Kids

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Jayne

As they do every year, the holidays are rapidly bearing down on us like a runaway train—which makes it pretty difficult to pinpoint ways to share, care, and demonstrate goodwill toward others. Now I’m not advocating going door-to-door singing carols, because it’s cold, and if those guys showed up at my house, I'd turn the hose on them. Instead, many of us prefer to stock up on cannabis products, binge watch the Hallmark channel, and find creative ways to engage in some seasonal giving.

That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Canna Charity, which looks at how you can lift others up while getting high. Last month, we profiled Mind Rite, who are currently benefitting the Oregon Food Bank with their goal of collecting 1,500 pounds of food.

Today, we're shining a light on Jayne, a dispensary with a distinguished track record of raising tons of dough for charities (by selling "Do Si Do" and other strains). For years, Jayne has supported a different charity every month with a portion of their sales. This year, they've narrowed their efforts, and have been working exclusively to support two great charities: Sisters of the Road and Cascade Aids Project (CAP). Founded in 1983, CAP is the oldest and largest community-based provider of HIV services, housing, education, and advocacy in Oregon and Southwest Washington. In 2016, CAP expanded its mission by opening PRISM Health, Portland’s first LGBT health clinic which provides primary care and testing services for the LGBTQ+ community.

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Shopping for the Book Snob in Your Life

Wallace Books
Wallace Books Kathleen Marie / Mercury Staff

Portland is chock full of great bookstores where you’ll find a ton of gifts, and of course, Powell’s is an easy choice... that can also be overwhelming, and more often than not, crowded. So why not try some smaller local shops that may surprise you? Note: This is by no means an exhaustive list, but if you’re looking to explore beyond the City of Books, here are a few to start with.


Best Bookstore for Gift Shopping on a Budget: Title Wave

The stock at Multnomah County Library’s used bookshop can fluctuate quite a bit, so you don’t want to go here in search of anything specific. But if you’re in the mood to browse for deals, you can do no better than Title Wave. On a recent trip, I picked up a hardcover copy of Rising Out of Hatred by Eli Saslow—which got a lot of buzz when it came out last year—for a mere $1.50. But my favorite part of Title Wave isn’t the book selection; it’s the big stack of vintage LIFE magazines, whose pages are filled with advertisements for healthy low-tar cigarettes and glossy photo spreads of Tricia Nixon’s White House wedding. That’s a great gift, friends. (216 NE Knott, Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat 10 am-4 pm; Wed-Thurs 10 am-6 pm)


Best Bookstore for the “Highbrows” on Your List: Mother Foucault’s

“I don’t want any old book,” I proclaimed before a recent trip to Mother Foucault’s. “I want some literature.” And this inner Southeast spot delivered, serving up towers of existential philosophy, political theory, novels in Russian and German, and thin poetry books from small publishing houses. With eclectic art, an old piano, and a nook with books piled up the stairs, Mother Foucault’s is also one of the coziest bookshops in Portland. Yeah, it might be a little pretentious, but in the best possible way. (523 SE Morrison, Sun-Mon 11 am-3 pm; Tues, Wed, Sat 11 am-6 pm; Thurs & Fri 11 am-7 pm)


Best Bookstore for Loved Ones Who Love Graphic Novels: Books with Pictures

Everything you need to know about Books with Pictures is right there in its name: They sell books with pictures in them! This is the spot to find a wide range of comics and graphic novels, and the shop takes particular pride in stocking a lot of feminist, queer, and kid-friendly titles and authors. If you’re a graphic novel dabbler like I am, you might share my tendency to be intimidated by the vast fan culture around comics—but at Books with Pictures, casual browsers are welcome. (1401 SE Division, Sun & Mon 10 am-6 pm, Tues 10 am-7 pm, Wed-Sat 10 am-9 pm)


Best Book Store for When You Want Powell’s But Not Powell’s: Wallace Books

Imagine if you took Powell’s entire inventory and crammed it all into an old house in Sellwood. That’s Wallace Books. There’s something delightful about a bookstore that’s packed to the brim with titles both popular and obscure, and the staff’s freakish ability to locate any title on demand makes it even better. Mess? What mess? At Wallace, there’s a method to the madness. (7241 SE Milwaukie, Mon-Sat 10 am-7 pm, Sun 10 am-6 pm)

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