Portland Mercury's Nacho Week

Win FREE Tickets to HUMP! 2019—and a $69 Gift Certificate to Rev Hall!

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HUMP! 2019

It's the most wonderful time of the year! In just a few short weeks, Portland will be once again blessed by the funnest, craziest, and SEXIEST film fest ever, HUMP! For those just crawling out from underneath their rock, HUMP! is our home-grown film festival where local sexy people write, direct, and star in their own amateur five-minute porn movies. You'll see every stripe of sexual expression on screen, and—trust me when I say this—you'll never have a better time sitting in a movie theater. HUMP audiences scream, laugh, and have the time of their lives supporting these brave kinksters, and those who miss out on getting tickets will surely regret it. (Psst! Check out the super sexy and NSFW HUMP trailer here!)

So what are you waiting for? Get your tickets now for HUMP! 2019—it'll screen over three weekends at Revolution Hall (Nov 8-9, 15-16, 22-23) and depending on what show you see, they'll be hosted by myself (Wm. Steven Humphrey), comedian (and former HUMP! winner) Kate Murphy, or sex columnist/creator of HUMP Dan Savage!

Feeling lucky? Then fill out the widget thingy below to win TWO FREE TICKETS to HUMP! 2019, as well as $69 (get it?) gift certificate for food and beverages at Revolution Hall! We're giving away three pairs and three gift cards over the next three weeks, and every Tuesday will notify the winners. Want to increase your chances of winning? Share this contest with your friends and earn 10 bonus entries! OH WOW, YES! (Good luck!)


The Blood-Splattered Zombieland: Double Tap Is a Comedy Sequel That Actually Works

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Jessica Miglio

The problem with comedy sequels is that it's hard to tell the same joke years later, but funnier. Despite the ravages of time and changing tastes, filmmakers must suplex the lightning back into that bottle, hoping everyone's down for another helping of that one bit everyone quoted in college, except now with too many celebrity cameos. (I'm very deliberately looking at you, Anchorman 2). But despite lurching into theaters a full decade after the original, Zombieland: Double Tap avoids those pitfalls while delivering a suitably zany Zombieland experience with the easy charm of an off-brand Mike Judge picaresque.

Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Abigail Breslin, and Emma Stone all return to banter and blast zombies, and their wry camaraderie speaks a seemingly genuine desire to play in this viscera-splattered sandbox again (rather than, as with many long-delayed sequels, simply the desire for a new beach house). Added to the mix are a spate of goofy newcomers, including a delightfully unapologetic flibbertigibbet (Zoey Deutch) and a pair of dirtbag doppelgangers (Luke Wilson and Thomas Middleditch). It's more a live-action cartoon than a serious entry in the zombie canon, but as a low-key genre comedy, it totally works. Best of all, the celebrity cameos remain sparingly deployed. (Still looking at you, Anchorman 2.)


Good Morning, News: Sondland Speaks, Portland's Preventable Homeless Deaths, and The Blob

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Gordon Sondland
Gordon Sondland Alex Wong / Getty images

Good morning, Portland! Here's your handy weather forecast: RAIN.

Here are the headlines.

Gordo Speaks: Gordon Sondlond, Portland hotelier and Trump's ambassador to the European Union, will finally testify before Congress today about his involvement in the Ukraine scandal. Read his full prepared statement—which places a lot of blame on Rudy Giuliani—here.

Rest in Power: Rep. Elijah Cummings, a Democrat from Maryland, has died at 68. Cummings served in Congress for over 20 years, and was central to the Trump impeachment inquiry.

Prevention Problems: According to a new report, at least 92 homeless people died in Multnomah County last year. Tri-County Public Health Officer Paul Lewis says "many of these deaths are preventable, but prevention is hard to implement if people are unhoused.”

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Photos: Bush, LIVE, and Our Lady Peace at Veterans Memorial Coliseum

Last night reverberated with decades of rock as Bush, LIVE, and Our Lady Peace closed in on the final stretch of "The ALTimate" North American tour, celebrating 25 years since Bush’s Sixteen Stone and Live’s Throwing Copper.

Our Lady Peace (OLP), who was in town recently celebrating 20 years of Clumsy (ok, so that was in 2017, WHICH FELT LIKE YESTERDAY), performed their heartfelt extended ending to “Superman’s Dead,” which was long enough to make the eyes sweat. Singer Raine Maida’s voice has certainly dropped a bit since the early-'90s days of whine-yi-yi-yi-yi-yeahh rock, and it resonates with their newer music.

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Rep. Jennifer Williamson Enters Oregon Secretary of State Race

Rep. Jennifer Williamson
Rep. Jennifer Williamson

Portland’s Rep. Jennifer Williamson is officially entering the race for Oregon secretary of state.

Williamson, a Democrat, currently serves as the majority leader in the Oregon House of Representatives. She has been the representative for Oregon’s 36th district, which includes much of Northwest and Southwest Portland, since 2013.

In her time in office, Williamson has sponsored sweeping reproductive rights legislation, and worked on legislation to strengthen gun control, provide paid family leave protections, and reform Oregon’s juvenile criminal justice policies.

In a press release sent Wednesday announcing her candidacy, Williamson said her secretary of state platform will include protecting elections from foreign influence, increasing transparency in campaign finance, and combatting climate change by “building clean energy projects on our public lands.”

“We need a Secretary of State who will tenaciously protect our election process from foreign tampering,” Williamson said in the release. “I will make the cybersecurity of our election data and voter information my top priority.”

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Pot Stock Profits Are Going Up in Smoke

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Darren415/Getty Images
Until recently, there was much ado about investing in the “Green Rush” of cannabis stocks. Those with a stomach for the risks of investing in cannabis saw some returns hit 400 percent or more. But those high returns won’t be happening for many other investors, as 2019 has thus far served as a major disappointment.

This has been true for both US and Canadian brands, although with national cannabis legalization, Canada has a stock market that can list cannabis stocks. And many of those stocks in the Great White North are sliding south, quickly.

How bad is it? It’s bad. As Merry Jane writes: “Canada’s federal cannabis program, which is largely operated by five companies, saw a total market loss of $23 billion since September 2018, according to the Wall Street Journal.

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Steven Soderbergh's Panama Papers Movie The Laundromat Is... Fine

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Claudette Barius / Netflix

Steven Soderbergh's put himself in a weird position. The insanely prolific, insanely diversified filmmaker—sometimes he's making one of the Ocean's movies, sometimes he's making Magic Mike, sometimes he's making The Knick, sometimes he's making Traffic, sometimes he's producing Bill & Ted 3, sometimes he's making booze—is so good, at so much, that just any project he takes on is worth getting excited about. Such were the expectations for his latest, the Netflix-bankrolled The Laundromat, a look at the Panama Papers scandal, adapted by screenwriter Scott Z. Burns—who's previously worked with Soderbergh on The Informant!, Contagion, and Side Effects—and boasting a cast with the likes of Meryl Streep, Gary Oldman, Antonio Banderas, Sharon Stone, Jeffrey Wright, and more. (Even Will Forte pops up, for one entirely too-brief cameo.) Maybe it was wrong to expect something along the lines of Adam McKay's excellent The Big Short, which examined a similarly complicated matter with sharp, gutsy wit, but where it should cut, The Laundromat merely leaves a faint bruise. Wrangling together a handful of storylines—held together by commentary from the legitimately hilarious/reprehensible duo of high-level con artists played by Oldman and Banderas—The Laundromat never gels into a whole, and as good as some segments and characters are (Meryl! of course Meryl!), the end result feels surprisingly hollow. Which, given the elaborate bullshit schemes that were revealed by the Panama papers, is fitting, I guess. Maybe this story should all feel like a house of cards. But still.


The Laundromat is currently playing at the Hollywood Theatre, and streams on Netflix starting Fri Oct 18.


Ninety-Two Homeless People Died in Multnomah County in 2018

A memorial for deceased members of the homeless community at Street Roots office.
A memorial for deceased members of the homeless community at Street Roots' office. Alex Zielinski

At least 92 people who died in Multnomah County in 2018 were homeless at the time of their death.

On Tuesday, the county released its annual "Domicile Unknown" report, which presents data collected from the county medical examiner's office on the number of people who died without a home address (marked "domicile unknown" on their death certificate). According to the report, 2018 saw the highest number of homeless deaths since the county began recording this data in 2011. However, because of population growth in Multnomah County, the proportion of homeless people represented in the county's total annual death count (around 8.6 percent) has remained stable since 2015.

"It’s been a fairly steady drumbeat of preventable deaths among young and midlife people. In a way, it’s the monotonous nature that’s important,” said Tri-County Health Officer Paul Lewis, who oversees the Multnomah County Medical Examiner's office, in a press release. “This allows us to refocus our energy. It shows that many of these deaths are preventable, but prevention is hard to implement if people are unhoused.”

Fifty-three percent of the recorded homeless deaths were linked to alcohol and drug use. Of those deaths, 55 percent were caused by methamphetamines, with 47 percent attributed to opioids and 31 percent related to alcohol consumption.

This makes 2018 the second consecutive year that meth use has surpassed opioids as the top cause of death among homeless people who died from a substance-related cause.

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Good Morning, News: Candidates Target Warren, Civil Servants Spill Tea on Trump, and Reward Offered for Info on Sean Kealiher's Death

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Hi, Id like to join in on this dogpile of Elizabeth Warren.
"Hi, I'd like to join in on this dogpile of Elizabeth Warren." Win McNamee/Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Three course meals: spaghetti, fettuccine, and veal. But still, everything's real in the field. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Last night marked a turning point in the Democratic debates, with the 11 finalists gunning for the new presumptive frontrunner, Elizabeth Warren. Her opponents tried to poke holes in her many "I've got a plan for that" plans, with little effect. Otherwise everybody did pretty much how you'd expect: Biden and Sanders stayed steady, while Harris and Booker retained their positions—though Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar made a stronger case for their brand of liberal centrism.

MEANWHILE IN IMPEACHMENT LAND: Senior state department Ukraine expert George Kent told impeachment investigators that he was sidelined by the Trump administration to make room for the president's toadies (Portland's own) Gordon Sondland, Kurt Volker, and energy secretary Rick Perry—who called themselves (get ready to vomit) "THE THREE AMIGOS." Fuck every one of those guys.

Speaking of fucking every one of those guys: Michael McKinley, the former adviser to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, is expected to tell impeachment investigators today that "career diplomats were mistreated during his tenure and some had their careers derailed for political reasons."

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Mother of Sean Kealiher Asks Mourners to Stop Writing on the Democratic Party of Oregon Building

Laura Kealiher speaks to reporters at the site of her sons death.
Laura Kealiher speaks to reporters at the site of her son's death. Alex Zielinski

The mother of Sean Kealiher, the 23-year-old man who died after being hit by an SUV Saturday, has two messages for the public: Stop posting statements online on behalf of her family and stop writing messages on the outer wall of the Democratic Party of Oregon office.

"I want all public statements to stop," said Laura Kealiher, speaking to reporters this afternoon outside of the offices of the Democratic Party of Oregon on NE 9th and Everett. "They just fuel the rumor mill, which everyone close to Sean has had to suffer through."

Sean died early Saturday morning after someone allegedly drove an SUV into him on the street adjacent to the Democratic Party of Oregon office. Sean was rushed to the hospital in a personal vehicle, but did not survive. According to the Multnomah County Medical Examiner, Sean died from blunt force trauma.

Portland Police Bureau (PPB) officers responded to the scene after neighbors reported hearing gunshots near NE Davis and 8th. That's where officers said they discovered an empty SUV crashed into the side of a building. They found evidence of gunfire in the abandoned vehicle.

PPB has released little public information on their investigation into his death, and has yet to make an arrest. In a Tuesday press release, PPB said the "motive behind this incident is still unknown."

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HBO's Watchmen TV Show Has the Volatility of Kerosene

Regina King in HBOs Watchmen.
Regina King in HBO's Watchmen. Mark Hill/HBO
How you react HBO’s Watchmen will likely depend on what type of TV viewer you are. Are you looking for a cozy Sunday night diversion, with a straightforward plot and clearly demarcated character motivations? Watchmen will leave you cold. But if you’re the type of person to spend your lunch break seeking out episode recaps and scrolling through message boards for the latest wild fan theory, Watchmen is manna from heaven.

The show is based on the legendary comics that came out in 1986 and 1987, but it’s not a direct adaptation of that story; rather, the HBO series uses it as background material to tell an entirely new tale set (mostly) in 2019, a story devised by series creator Damon Lindelof, the mastermind behind Lost and The Leftovers. His discursive storytelling techniques, which move through plot the way a queen moves across a chessboard—forwards, backwards, sideways, diagonally—have a lot in common with Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ comic, which interwove seemingly unconnected strains into a greater web. Even when Lindelof’s stuff gets bumpy (such as the dismount of Lost or the depressing first season of The Leftovers), his storytelling is entirely seductive, and Watchmen’s first few episodes—I watched six out of a total of nine—certainly continue that trend.

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Vapocalypse 2019: Tell Me When It’s Over Edition

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HAZEMMKAMAL/Getty Images
I know it’s as grim for you to read these updates as it is for me to write them, but this is a huge story that just keeps growing in scope and seriousness, so here we are. Grab some indica, and let’s take another look at what’s up.

Diagnosed cases and deaths on the rise: The vaping related illness now has its own name: VAPI, short for Vaping Associated Pulmonary Injury. As of October 8, the CDC has reported 1,299 VAPI-related injuries, and 29 deaths. The cases have been reported in every state except Alaska, in addition to the US Virgin Islands.

Science News reports that “About three-fourths of the 573 patients for whom information was available reported using THC in their vapes three months prior to falling ill. About a third used only THC products, while others also used nicotine-containing products. About 13 percent exclusively vaped nicotine.”

The majority of the carts being blamed for VAPI cases are coming from the illicit marketplace. Yet again, I implore you, do not purchase carts from any place other than licensed dispensaries. And as with all cannabis products, get to know your grower/processor/edible maker/etc. I know that research can be time-consuming, boring, and frustrating, but just because a cart comes in a package with labeling which looks official, it may not be.

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SEX

Savage Love Classic: If You See a Prude Eating Ass In a Sex Club Are You Obligated To Keep Quiet About It?

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[This delightfully vintage Savage Love question was originally published March 22, 2001.—eds]

This question concerns both sex and etiquette: How much privacy can one reasonably expect while engaging in consensual sex in a sex club? While visiting one of those open-to-the-public establishments that cater to men who want to get off with other men, I saw an uptight but openly gay prig who is a member of my social circle. I shared this fact with a straight-but-gay-friendly woman while dishing the dirt over cocktails. She blabbed it to others.

This issue has turned a group of adult men and women into a squabbling mob of kids at recess. Three camps have formed on our little playground: (1) There is some kind of fag code of honor that nobody ever told me about that says that whatever deeds take place in these establishments stay there. (This is Mr. Prig's position.) (2) One is free to talk about what one sees in a sex club but one should be discreet when sharing that information. (Telling a straight woman, for example, would be out of bounds.) (3) If you choose to rim one man while being sucked by another in full view of 30 people in a quasi-public place in New York City, well, you've really blown any expectation of anonymity. (This is my view.)

Your input as an expert on sex and manners would be greatly appreciated.

Blabber Mouth

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Mayor Wheeler Promises "Real Change" In Re-Election Launch Speech

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BLAIR STENVICK

For the first time in almost two decades, a Portland mayor is running for a second term.

Mayor Ted Wheeler officially kicked off his 2020 re-election campaign Monday evening, in a speech that played up his record on homeless issues, pushed back at his critics, and offered a rosy outlook for Portland’s future.

“We are at a turning point,” Wheeler told supporters gathered on the roof of Uncorked Studios in Southeast Portland. “This will either be a decade of innovation and action and progress, or it will be a decade of continued and perhaps even irreversible decline.”

Wheeler’s speech made clear he believes he is best positioned to guide Portland to a positive future. He acknowledged that the city is current facing many “crises”—crises of mental health, addiction, and homelessness; crises of transportation and infrastructure challenges; and crises of wealth inequality, increased anger, and “way too much hate.”

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Good Morning, News: Fort Worth Cop Charged With Murder, Family of Man Killed by Cops Sues Portand, and Yakama Nation Calls For Dam Removals

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Bonneville Dam, one of three the Yakama Nation wants gone.
Bonneville Dam, one of three the Yakama Nation wants gone. US Army Corps of Engineers

A Reckoning: The Fort Worth officer who fatally shot Atatania Jefferson while she was inside her home has been charged with murder. S. Lee Merritt, a civil rights lawyer representing Jefferson’s family, says that's not enough. “Fort Worth has a culture that has allowed this to happen,” he told the New York Times. “There still needs to be a reckoning.”

PREACH: A former advisor to Donald Trump told US House investigators yesterday that National Security Advisor John Bolton recently referred to Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani as "a hand grenade who’s going to blow everybody up." For once, we might agree with him.

Trump's New Allies: President Bashar al-Assad of Syria, considered a war criminal by the US, has "benefited handsomely" from Donald Trump's decision to abandon the Kurdish population. Oh, and ISIS isn't doing too shabby, either. Great job, everyone.

Lift the Dams: On Indigenous People's Day, the Yakama Nation called for the removal of three dams on the lower Columbia River in an last-ditch effort to save their fading way of life. “Will we be the generation that forgot those that are coming behind us?" asked Yakama Nation Chairman JoDe Goudy yesterday. "Will we be the generation that forgot to speak for the resources that cannot speak in a manner that we can understand?"

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