Why Won't Her Boyfriend Cut Off His Toxic, Violent, Vodka-Bottle-Swinging Ex?

Long-time reader, first time writer here.

I’m a 26-year-old bi woman dating a 36-year-old man for about ten months now. The relationship itself has been amazing. He’s an incredibly sweet, caring, and affectionate guy who goes out of his way to make me feel appreciated. Not to mention, he’s super fun to hang out with! And the sex is fantastic!

There’s just one problem. He’s still friends with his ex-girlfriend. They were together for five years but broke up almost ten years ago. Normally, I have nothing against being friend with exes. I’m still friends with my previous SO and he and my boyfriend have even hung out a few times and everyone got along. But this girl has never been nice to me EVER. The few times we did hang out, before I told my boyfriend I wasn’t into it anymore, she would go from making passive aggressive comments to being a full-on bitch. The last time we hung out I honestly thought it was going to end in a physical altercation, which is also not out of character for her. She has a long history of being a violent drunk. She spent a weekend in jail for assaulting her last SO, and my boyfriend told me stories of her hitting him with a vodka bottle while they were together. Recently she attacked her own mom and my boyfriend was tasked with driving her mom to the ER.

Like I said, I told my boyfriend that I don’t want to hang out with her again. I also told him that I don’t support him being friends with her, while also recognizing that he’s an adult who can make his own choices. The thing is, he does still talk to/hang out with her, he just keeps it on the DL. I know because I’ve seen her name pop up on his phone (not in a snooping way, just happening to see while he has his phone out). The other day I heard him talking on the phone to her telling her that he would help her with something the following day, but when I asked him what his plans were for the following day he didn’t mention anything about her.

The fact that he still talks to her behind my back honestly is hurtful to me, but I don’t know what to do about it. Should I confront him? Or is this just a self-confidence issue on my part and I need to let it go and let my boyfriend make his own decisions about who to be friends with?

Girl Over Bitches

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Someone is Posting Fake Anti-Camping Signs in SW Portland

FAKE NEWS. City of Portland

The latest attempt by the public to self-police Portland's homeless population looks... eerily official.

Last night, a city crew discovered numerous orange signs posted to trees and poles near the intersection of SW Caruthers and 5th. The notices, stamped with an official City of Portland seal, threatened arrest to anyone who camps or loiters in that area. They referenced two city codes, one that bans camping in public right-of-ways and another that prohibits structures in public parks.

But these signs didn't come from the city.

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Timbers Acquire Right Back Jorge Moreira From River Plate

Austin Webb/Portland Timbers
The Portland Timbers have a new right back.

The club announced Tuesday morning that it has acquired 29-year-old Jorge Moreira, native of Paraguay, on loan from River Plate for the 2019 season. The deal includes an option to purchase Moreira outright at the conclusion of the year.

Moreira, who joined the Timbers' preseason camp in Tucson several days ago, brings an impressive resume to MLS — where he'll fill a positional need for the Timbers, giving the club a second international-quality fullback as they close in on the start of the new MLS season in less than two weeks' time.

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NAACP-Led Coalition Isn't Satisfied With Proposed Changes to Earthquake-Unsafe Building Rules

E.D. Mondaine, president of Portland’s NAACP chapter, speaks at a rally outside Portland City Hall Wednesday morning.
E.D. Mondaine, president of Portland’s NAACP chapter, speaks at a rally outside Portland City Hall Wednesday morning. BLAIR STENVICK

The Portland City Council is considering amending a controversial ordinance that requires owners of unreinforced brick buildings to label them as earthquake-unsafe. But, an NAACP-led coalition that opposes the ordinance is making it clear that those changes wouldn’t be enough to ease their concerns.

At a city council meeting Wednesday morning, commissioners debated an ordinance proposed by Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty, which would make changes to an original ordinance passed by the council last October. The original ordinance requires owners of unreinforced masonry buildings (URMs) to display a sign declaring them unsafe in the event of an earthquake—and to file an agreement with the county recorder’s office, placing a mark on their property titles that could make it difficult for them to receive financing to make structural improvements.

URM owners would be able to remove the placards only after making costly improvements to their buildings. URM owners the Mercury has spoken with have cited estimates for those improvements ranging in the hundreds of thousands for single-story buildings, and up to $1.5 million for a multi-story building.

"It is my belief that we didn't earn the trust of the people that were required to do these upgrades,” Hardesty said at Wednesday’s meeting. “It is my belief that we can do better."

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How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World Review: Toothless Is DTF


Heads up: If you've ever owned a dog, a cat, or a dragon, the final 20 minutes or so of How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World will reduce you to a wheezing, weeping, snot-soaked wreck, and because this will happen at the very end of the movie, as soon as you stumble out of the theater, everyone is going to know that a children's movie about friendly dragons just reduced you to a wheezing, weeping, snot-soaked wreck, and this is a thing you will have to deal with for the rest of your life.

Another heads up: The rest of the movie isn't very good.

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Last Chance to Win Big $$$$: Submit Your SPLIFF Film by March 1!


Hey, stoner, I’ve found your winter project.

It’s not going to be hard, but it will require you to get off the couch, gather a gaggle of friends, and hit “record” on a camcorder. Actually, you know what? You could probably stay on the couch and do it.

This project will keep you warm and active, and you can be high as a kite while doing it. And get this: There’s $10,000 in cash prizes just sitting on the table.

The Mercury and its sister paper The Stranger are known for their amateur porn festival, HUMP! Hundreds of filmmakers have won thousands of dollars taking it all off for HUMP! and in fact, it’s been so successful for so many years, we’re starting a second short-film festival, this one for stoners. That’s where you come in.

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Good Morning, News: Kruse Still a Creep, Police-Gibson Text Fallout Continues, and Pinterest Pulls Through

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Two Portland police unions arent happy with Mayor Ted Wheelers recent criticism.
Two Portland police unions aren't happy with Mayor Ted Wheeler's recent criticism. DOUG BROWN

Good morning, Portland! Grab your coffee, weave past a presidential hopeful to get some ranch, and take a seat, because...

Here are the headlines!

Candidate Chaos: The list of 2020 Democratic candidates now includes Bernie Sanders, a self-help author, and your mom (congrats to your mom!). Listen to today's episode of the Daily if you feel like you need to get caught up.

Shitty in Salem: Two former legislative interns to former Republican state representative and noted creep Jeff Kruse filed a lawsuit yesterday alleging sexual harassment. OPB's got the details, including these haunting lines:

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Live Review: Justin Timberlake at Moda Center, Mon February 18

Justin Timberlake performs at Moda Center 2.18.2019
Justin Timberlake performs at Moda Center 2.18.2019 Bruce Ely/Rose Quarter

When I entered the Rose Quarter last night I wasn’t sure if the concert would be anything like the other seven times I’ve seen Justin Timberlake live. I mean, I knew I could count on him to excite and entertain me for two solid hours, but I was unsure whether his hordes of fans had thinned after a year of less than favorable press. But as soon as I walked in, it became apparent the place was packed. Me and about 19,000 other people (okay, mostly women aged 25-35, gay men, and their respective partners) were teeming with excitement for this “Man of the Woods” thing to start. As I braced myself to be emotionally and physically whelmed by the one true leader of *NSYNC, the dude sitting to my left adorably asked me:

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Mayor Wheeler Stands By Criticism of Cop's Texts, Despite Police Union Grievance

Mayor Wheeler at a Tuesday press conference.
Mayor Wheeler at a Tuesday press conference. Alex Zielinski

The union representing the Portland Police Bureau (PPB) is—unsurprisingly—unhappy with how city commissioners have responded to news about Portland Lt. Jeff Niiya's friendly relationship with alt-right leader Joey Gibson.

"Our elected city officials tout 'fairness', 'transparency', and 'accountability' as cornerstones of city government," writes Portland Police Association (PPA) President Darryl Turner in a statement posted on the PPA's Facebook page. "Yet, with only a small piece of the facts in hand, City Hall has already rushed to judgment and condemned Lt. Niiya."

The Portland Police Commanding Officers Association (PPCOA), the union representing Niiya, has filed two grievances with Portland's human resources department against city commissioners—including Mayor Ted Wheeler—for making public comments criticizing Niiya last week. Wheeler appeared unfazed by the grievance at a Tuesday press conference, predicting the facts would "not bear out" to support the PPCOA's case.

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Live Review: Kacey Musgraves at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Mon Feb 18

Olivia Rosenlund

Earlier this month, Kacey Musgraves won four Grammys for her new record Golden Hour: album of the year, best country album, best country solo performance (“Butterflies”), and best country song (“Space Cowboy”). After briefly celebrating her wins with Mick Jagger and a chicken sandwich, the country singer/songwriter hit the road again, and stopped in Portland last night for a sold-out show at the Schnitz.

Musgraves brought Soccer Mommy on her current tour, which seemed like an odd pairing to me at first, but they're both from Nashville, and the self-described "chill but kinda sad" band aced songs like "Cool" and "Your Dog" (from their 2018 album Clean) and made me grateful that young women like Sophie Allison are the new leaders of indie rock.

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The Wandering Earth Review: An Okay Chinese Blockbuster, Buoyed by Liu Cixin's Astonishing Ideas


Unless you just cram The Thee-Body Problem into somebody's hand and force them to immediately read it, it's hard to convey just how big Chinese author Liu Cixin's ideas are. The first in the award-winning "Remembrance of Earth Past" trilogy, Three-Body begins a story that's about nothing less than the past and future of the universe. What starts as a high-concept—China discovers distant extraterrestrial life, distant extraterrestrial life decides that hey, Earth looks like a pretty nice place to live—sets off a generations-spanning, galaxy-twisting saga where the concepts, be they philosophical or scientific or emotional, are overwhelming and unforgettable. Reading the "Remembrance of Earth's Past" is the closest I've ever come in fiction to replicating the feelings and ideas in the work of Carl Sagan—though Liu's outlook is... ah, shall we say, decidedly less optimistic.

I say all this not to convince you to read The Three-Body Problem (though you should, and if I can't convince you, maybe Obama can), but also to make sure we're all on the same page here: Liu doesn't fuck around, and his work can be profoundly beautiful, strange, and horrifying. Now one of his other works—the story The Wandering Earth—is a massively ambitious and massively successful Chinese blockbuster. The film quietly and unexpectedly opened in Portland last weekend at Century Eastport 16, and seeing it on the big screen is... something else, in ways both good and bad.

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Good Morning, News: Oregon Sues Trump, the Unwelcome Return of Bernie Bros, and Good Ariana Grande News!

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Evacuate your Twitter feed... Bernie (and his bros) are back.
Evacuate your Twitter feed... Bernie (and his bros) are back. Win McNamee / Staff

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I'll never leave him down, though I might mess around, it's only 'cause I need some affection. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Sixteen states (including Oregon, yay!) are suing President Trump over his plan to use emergency funds to build his racist border wall. Congress is considering filing their own lawsuit as well.

Meanwhile, the White House is desperately trying to defend their indefensible emergency declaration in the face of more lawsuits, protests, and congressional action to repeal it.

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Don't Miss the I, Anonymous Show—With Special Guest Dino Stamatopoulos!


SUPER TRUE FACT: The Mercury's monthly I, Anonymous Show is one of the funniest, most popular comedy shows in town! And for the upcoming Wednesday, March 6 edition, we have yet another powerhouse lineup of comedic talent!

Host Kate Murphy—a 2018 Mercury Genius of Comedy as well as a delightful, goddamn hoot—will be joined by a freaking juggernaut of top comedy talent including Ben Harkins, Stephanie Patricio, and VERY SPECIAL GUEST Dino Stamatopoulos, a fantastic writer/comedian best known for playing Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne on Community and as a writer for Mr. Show, TV Funhouse, Mad TV, The Dana Carvey Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. And he's also the creator of one of my personal fave animated shows ever, Moral Orel. I AM VERY PLEASED TO HAVE HIM ON THIS SHOW!

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Queer Portlanders Shaken By Reports of Anti-LGBTQ Violence


Many members of Portland’s queer community are feeling on edge after a week of widely shared social media reports of anti-LGBTQ violence in the area.

Posts first started circulating early last week, after a transgender woman was allegedly assaulted in the Buckman neighborhood of Southeast Portland during the early morning hours of Sunday, Feb 10. According to a press release the Portland Police Bureau (PPB) put out today, the woman reported her assault after being transported to a hospital that day.

The woman started a GoFundMe page to help pay her medical bills after the attack, and a police report obtained by the Mercury confirms details listed on the GoFundMe—including that she suffered injuries on her hands and elbows.

The woman declined an interview with the Mercury at this time.
(The Mercury isn’t naming the woman or linking to the page out of respect for her privacy.)

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Ice Cream News: Ruby Jewel is Coming to NW 23rd

Courtesy Ruby Jewel

Ruby Jewel, the local ice cream maker that cut its first teeth serving ice cream sandwiched between homemade cookies at local farmers markets back in 2007, is opening a scoop shop on NW 23rd sometime just before summer. It’s a development that will now put a Ruby Jewel brick-and-mortar in every Portland quadrant.

The ice cream shop, which has locations in Boise, on Hawthorne, and in Downtown’s West End, will occupy the space recently vacated by The Abbey Bar & Bottleshop (which still has a NW 21st location, so don’t fret Belgian beer lovers).

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