Timbers' Forgettable Week Ends With Blowout Loss in Kansas City

Portland Timbers

With very few exceptions, the Portland Timbers and Sporting Kansas City combine to play a very particular type of game: close, physical, intense, and unyielding. On paper, at least, Saturday night's meeting in the heartland should have been one of those contests.

But it wasn't. Instead, it was a cakewalk. The Timbers, at half strength and half speed, up against a resurgent home team, didn't have a chance.

With Diego Chara and several other key players resting at the end of a stretch of three games in eight days, they suffered predictably. Kansas City dominated the game in midfield, attacking from every angle, completing more than 700 passes, holding 64 percent possession, and firing off an astonishing 25 shots.

They won the game 3-0 — a first half brace from Diego Rubio had it pretty well settled early on — but the final scoreline could have been far more gaudy.

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Things to Do Sunday!

Montavilla Jazz Festival
It makes sense that in order to hear local jazz musicians pushing the envelope, you have to venture to the edge of the city's envelope, as the Portland Metro Arts Center hosts artists such as Randy Porter, Nancy King, Dmitri Matheny, Darrell Grant, Christopher Brown, Alan Jones, and more.
1:30 pm, Portland Metro Arts Center, click here for a complete list of performers and showtimes, $15-50

Portland Beer and Music Festival
You like beer. You like music. Behold: A festival geared specifically to those fine and cultured tastes! Admission includes tastings from the over 40 craft beers available, and a chance to listen to sounds from the 182s, Jon Davidson, and the Bass Punks.
7 pm, Tiffany Center, $35-50

Cardioid, Cat Hoch, Dan Dan
For years, Radiation City was one of the most popular bands in Portland, thanks to their snappy blend of synth-pop, indie rock, and modern soul. But they splintered in late 2016, and keyboardist/singer Lizzy Ellison struck out on her own, forming Cardioid with Unknown Mortal Orchestra drummer Riley Geare, recording an excellent and efficient pop-rock album called Parts Dept., and moving to Los Angeles. Tonight, Cardioid returns to Portland for a hometown show, this time with a sophomore album in the works—the merch section of their website teases: “Fantasy Metal - Coming Soon!” There’s no official word of what that means, exactly, but show up tonight and see if Cardioid has anything new up their sleeves. BEN SALMON
9 pm, Doug Fir, $10-12

Lubec, Curling, Slippery Eyes
Through unpredictably reactive drumming from Matt Dressen; Eddie Charlton’s geometric, calculated guitar riffs; and Caroline Jackson’s fuzzed-out classical piano, Lubec creates carbonated shoegaze, too fizzy and frenetic to be dreamy but too distorted to feel like reality. CIARA DOLAN
7:30 pm, Firkin Tavern, free

Pig & Oyster Roast
Perlot presents this one-of-a-kind, Mexican-inspired feast from the culinary mind of Executive Chef Patrick McKee, featuring raw and grilled oysters, whole roasted pork shoulder in spiced adobo, coal roasted veggies, and live music from Devin Phillips.
6 pm, Perlot, $35

The CCS Invitational at Hubba Berg
CCS hosts an invitation pro skate contest and festival with help from Adidas. Watch over 40 pro skateboarders tear up small scale recreations of legendary skate spots Hubba Hideout and Wallenberg with a 5k cash prize on the line, all while enjoying food, beer, carnival games, and browsing wares from over 30 skateboard, footwear and apparel brands.
2 pm, CCS, free

The Neverending Story
In 1984, celebrated German director Wolfgang Petersen (Das Boot) made his first English-language film, an animatronic-stuffed adaptation of half a children's book called The Neverending Story. It concerns a bullied bookworm who retreats to an attic to lose himself in a stolen tome, and manages to literally lose himself within it. This movie is one of the most '80s things ever made, with a cast of vaguely disquieting pseudo-Muppets assisting an androgynous horse-mounted rockstar on a synth-drenched journey through a Yes album cover to save a nameless princess. The movie is shaggier than the flying dog that steals every scene he's in with a lecherous charm, but there is still a strange, cheesy magic (barely) holding everything together. BOBBY ROBERTS
2:30 pm & 7 pm, Academy Theater, $3-4, all ages

Multnomah Village Vine & Dine
Pairing some of the Northwest's finest wines with sweet and savory treats from the region's best chefs. Proceeds benefit the Multnomah Village Block Initiative.
1 pm, Multnomah Arts Center, $30-50

Oregon Handmade Bike Show
One of the better Oregon bicycling traditions is this weekend-long showcase of designers, engineers, and cycling aficionados coming together, having some beer (a very important step) and creating artfully done transportation with their own hands.
11 am, Cathedral Park Place

Drag Queen Brunch
Liven up your Sunday brunch with an early afternoon cabaret show featuring celebrity tributes, comedy, and glamour served up by some of Portland's premier drag queens. Coffee and brunch buffet is included with admission, but you'll need to bring extra funds for Bloody Marys or mimosas.
11 am, Night Light Lounge, $23-50

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

Things to Do Saturday!

Green Hop Fest Block Party
After celebrating its grand opening earlier this summer, Green Hop—the “world’s first historical hip-hop dispensary”—is hosting a fundraising block party for Green Hop Academy, an internship program designed to bring more people of color into the cannabis industry. The lineup includes none other than Dead Prez, along with beloved local MCs like Mic Capes and soul singer Blossom. CIARA DOLAN
noon, Green Hop, free

Portland Adult Soapbox Derby
Remember when you were a kid and your parent helped you build a death machine to ride down a hill in? Well, now you can be your own dad and build yourself a soapbox racecar! Adults speed down the hill at crazy speeds in their own handmade contraptions. Sounds like the perfect circus to watch on a sunny summer day. KELLY KENOYER
9:30 am, Mt. Tabor Park, free

All Together Festival
It just feels good to support local record label/boutique/gallery Tender Loving Empire. Not only is their collection of handmade goods from local artists and makers absolutely adorable, making it one of my top Portland destinations to buy gifts for friends and family (and myself, obvi), but TLE also lends its support to some of the city’s most talented rising music stars. Case in point: the All Together Festival. In celebration of the label’s 11th annual Friends and Friends of Friends compilation album, TLE has curated 12 hours worth of stellar acts—including DJs Rap Class and Maxx Bass, who will close out the evening. Whether you’re interested in hearing soul-infused garage-pop from the Fur Coats, synth-focused dance music from Dan Dan, or Luz Elena Mendoza’s Mexican-rooted indie folk, there’s something for everyone! There’s also a big draw in Chanti Darling, who turns every venue into a dance party with their irresistibly dancey blend of R&B, disco, funk and new jack swing. The fact that all of this is free makes it a no-brainer. JENNI MOORE
2 pm, White Owl Social Club, free

15th Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest
I think I ate four hot dogs once. The rest of the day did not go well. But those with more intestinal fortitude than me shall converge at upper Hawthorne wiener house Zach’s Shack for their 15th annual hot dog eating contest. The in-house record is 26 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Think you can beat it? Or do you just want to watch? NED LANNAMANN
4 pm, Zach's Shack, free to watch, $10 to enter

Portland Thorns vs. Chicago Red Stars
Playoff races don’t get any more exciting than the NWSL this season, and if you haven’t been keeping up, tonight’s match between the Thorns and the Red Stars presents the perfect opportunity to tune in. Keeping Australian phenom Sam Kerr off the score sheet will be no easy task, but if the defending champs can grind out a win at home tonight, they’ll have an excellent shot at reaching the postseason for a third straight year. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
12:30 pm, Providence Park, $15-70, all ages

Neal Brennan
The co-creator and co-writer of Chappelle's Show gets a chance to display his stand-up chops live on Aladdin Theater stage.
7 pm, Aladdin Theater, $28.75

Crystal '80s Block Party
The Crystal Ballroom and Hotel throw a free '80s-themed block party on SW Stark Street between 12th & 13th, with a beer garden, boozy sno-cones, a pig roast, live music from My Voice Music, My Siamese Twin, and Glass of Hearts, and a Video Dance Attack grand finale.
3 pm, Crystal Ballroom, free

Punch Brothers, Andrew Bird
The progressive bluegrass quintet headed up by mandolinist and Prairie Home Companion host Chris Thile make their way to the Oregon Zoo Amphitheater for an so-headlined show with beloved violinist and singer/songwriter Andrew Bird.
7 pm, Oregon Zoo, $39.50-99

Sun Angle
Artist/musician Marius Libman (Copy) moved to San Francisco not too long ago, placing his multitude of Portland-based music projects on hold. Happily, one of those will be taken off the shelf tonight when Sun Angle plays a reunion show. Libman, on bass, will be joined by drummer Papi Fimbres and guitarist/vocalist Charlie Salas-Humara, and the trio will whirl through a diverse, mind-expanding blend of psychedelia, punk, and pop. The show also serves as a delayed release show for their album Skullflower, which came out on XRAY Records in 2016 but never received its live due, since Salas-Humara suffered unexplained hearing loss and Libman left town shortly thereafter. Fortunately, good things come to those who wait, and tonight Sun Angle is a whole entity again. Witness them lay their disparate mosaic tiles of avant-garde sound, hyper-danceable rhythms, and sunshine acid-blotter melody—who knows when the chance will come again? NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, The Fixin' To, $10

OMSI's Sci-Fi Film Fest
OMSI’s in the midst of their 2018 Sci-Fi Film Fest, when they devote the GINORMOUS screen in their Empirical Theater to some of the finest, funnest science-fiction movies of the past few decades! You’ve got your pick from arthouse (Alphaville) to pop (Solo: A Star Wars Story), from classic (The Day the Earth Stood Still) to contemporary (Avengers: Infinity War), and from Blade Runner (Blade Runner) to Blade Runner (Blade Runner 2049)... but also in the mix are The MatrixClose Encounters of the Third KindEraserhead, and on Saturday, a Robot Theater Triple Feature, featuring A.I. Artificial IntelligenceForbidden Planet, and Ex Machina (an underseen, underrated creep-out from Alex Garland, one of the best filmmakers working today.) ERIK HENRIKSEN
Various Times, click here for a complete schedule, Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, $6-7 individual screenings, $25-30 festival passes

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

Burger Week Ends Tomorrow! And Here's Your Weekly Food and Drink Wrap-Up

New Seasons Markets The Block Party
New Seasons Market's "The Block Party" MEG NANNA

You probably already know this, but it’s Burger Week! Also, Burger Week draws to a close tomorrow so get out there and eat!

This week, the Mercury reported that restaurateurs Thang and Linh Tran are opening XinhXinh Vietnamese Bistro in close-in SE. Our wine writer reconsidered chardonnay (it’s better than we all think it is). And one of our food critics rounded up five of the best happy hour options in the city (don’t sleep on that Paley’s Place HH burger).

The Oregonian had the news that Big’s Chicken, the chicken sandwich spot that burned down last summer, has returned—in Beaverton—and this time around it’s offering fried chicken and a cheeseburger.

Portland Monthly reported that Adam and Jackie Sappington, the meat-loving power couple behind The Country Cat, are taking over vegan joints Harlow and Prasad. The Sappingtons say they won’t tinker with the menu too much at first, but they do drop a hint at the end of the read that they’re considering, either jokingly or seriously that they might develope something close to vegan lard. The magazine also reported that Super Deluxe’s Micah Camden is seriously considering some serious fast food burger expansion. And then they visited Duane Sorensen’s Holiday in the revamped Roman Candle space. The takeaway? It’s the sleeper/surprise hit of 2018.

Finally, Eater reported that some old Veritable Quandary alums are opening Normadie, which’ll serve oyster and charred octopus in the old Rue space. It reported that Side Yard Farm's Stacy Givens won’t in fact open her food incubator Community Supported Kitchen in Cully as she had planned to—but she is shopping for other locations. And because this is the stupidest timeline in the history of history, some dumb conspiracy theorist is out there spreading rumors that another child sex ring is happening at a famous food institution, this time at Voodoo Doughnut.

Portland's Tipsypop Will Launch Wine-Based Popsicle Business

If Starbucks can market frappuccinos, why can’t some aspiring entrepreneur in wine country take advantage of the region’s climate and soil and market wine-based popsicles?

That’s the logic of Tipsypop’s Heather Wolfsmith, who’s hoping to start making and selling all-natural boozy popsicles from her Portland test kitchen once the OLCC signs off on her plan.

“I had the idea to do this five years ago and never acted on it,” the financial industry veteran says of the growing “poptail zeitgeist.” “Now I’m acting on it.”

Wolfsmith says she’s been perfecting the Push-Up-like sorbet popsicles over the course of the summer using wholesale wine. The plan, she says, is to partner with an Oregon winery for all her wine needs and to introduce the product to the public via the internet, then to start pitching to markets like New Seasons, Whole Foods, and Fred Meyer sometime this fall.

The initial flavor line includes grapefruit frosé, pineapple granita and champagne, pomegranate sangria-pinot noir, and mimosa. Each Tipsypop weighs in at an ABV of 6.7 percent, or just under the ABV of one glass of your average wine, meaning you're going to have to consume eight of them to get bottle-of-wine-drunk. They’ll come in packs of four and retail for around $8 or $9 a box.

Wolfsmith says she’s hoping you’ll find them in the freezer section near the chilled wine section at a market near you, but she adds that Tipsypops are shelf-stable, so you might find them elsewhere in the market where you can pick up a box or two to freeze at home.

And Wolfsmith says growth is already baked into her business plan before she’s even sold her first popsicle. Tipsypop is already doing R&D on a line of poptails—think palomas, margaritas, and Moscow mules with ABV of around eight or nine percent—which the company wants to roll out in bars and liquor stores in time for next summer’s heat wave.

Julie Whipple’s Crash Course Will Make You Never Want to Fly Again


On December 28, 1978, United Airlines Flight 173 ran out of fuel over Portland and crashed. The massive airliner set down at East Burnside and 157th and plowed through the streets of what is now East Portland, shredding itself apart as it skidded over concrete. Ten people died, more were injured, and the subsequent legal battle changed the course of commercial flight in America.
In Crash Course, Portland journalist Julie Whipple explores the causes of the crash: Why didn’t the landing gear deploy properly? How could a commercial flight run out of fuel? Why wasn’t the captain aware of the state his aircraft was in? Why did 10 people have to die?

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Babehoven’s Lo-Fi Debut EP Shows Sky-High Potential


On Babehoven’s Bandcamp page, there is a collection of five demos (under the name Sleep) that could accurately be described as “lo-fi.” The note below the songs makes no bones about it: “Written and recorded... using GarageBand and a 2011 MacBook Pro microphone,” it says.

However rough those five cuts may be, they accomplish the most important thing when it comes to assessing an indie pop artist: You can hear, clear as day, that songwriter/guitarist/vocalist Maya Bon knows her way around a beautiful melody. Several of them, actually.

Bon’s earworm melodies get the boost they deserve on Babehoven’s Sleep EP, released this week by Portland indie label Good Cheer Records. It features the same five songs, but updated with full band arrangements courtesy of bassist Skyler Pia and drummer Elias Williamson. Together, they provide a solid foundation for Bon’s songs.

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Timbers v. Sporting Kansas City Match Preview

Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers

Coming off of their most lopsided loss since mid-March on Wednesday night in D.C., the Portland Timbers face a short turnaround ahead of a crucial match against fellow Western Conference contender Sporting Kansas City on Saturday night at Children's Mercy Park (5:30 p.m., TV on KPDX).

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XinhXinh Bistro Will Bring Vietnamese Cuisine to Restaurant Mini-Mall on SE Madison

Thang Tran

That little restaurant mini-mall on SE Madison near Lucky Labrador Brew Pub is about to get a new Vietnamese restaurant, according to the concept’s co-owner, Thang Tran.

Tran says he and his girlfriend, Linh Tran, plan to open XinhXinh Vietnamese Bistro during the first week of September in a music box of a space that’s recently been home to a pair of since-shuttered vegan spots. This isn’t Linh’s first rodeo: Three years ago, both Linh and her sister, Van Tran, started Vancouver’s Pho Vi Van, which Van now owns outright.

Once XinhXinh opens, Thang Tran says it will serve “popular Vietnamese dishes like pho, vermicelli noodles, rice, banh mi sandwiches, salad rolls, and chicken wings,” as well as a few “unique items such as bun bo hue, satay noodle soup, and curry soup.”

Tran says they also plan on serving Vietnamese coffee, blended bubble tea, smoothies, and desserts, and—once the OLCC signs of on XinhXinh’s liquor permit—wine, beer, and cocktails.

“'XinhXinh' means 'cute,' referring to something small or pretty,” Tran explains. “We used that because we think it gives a bit of personality to the brand. While we do care a lot of food quality and taste, customer service, and the environment, we also think that eating should be a fun experience.” Indeed, he likens what he and Linh hope to provide the public with flashes of joy, much like the cheffy rat gave the restaurant critic at the end of Ratatouille. The Trans hope their logo, of a little girl and her big bowl of soup, will evoke that same kind of childhood joy.

XinhXinh will seat 30 indoors, four outdoors, and, once the lights get turned on for good, it will keep the hours of 10:30 am to 9:30 pm, Sunday through Thursday, and 10:30 am to 930 pm on Fridays and Saturdays.

XinhXinh Bistro, 970 SE Madison

New Graphic Novels: The McElroy Brothers' The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins, Sanpaku and Exit Stage Left: The Snagglepuss Chronicles

Clockwise from upper left: Sanpaku, Exit Stage Left: The Snagglepuss Chronicles, The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins
Clockwise from upper left: Sanpaku, Exit Stage Left: The Snagglepuss Chronicles, The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins is a comic adaptation of a storytelling podcast in which the McElroy brothers (Griffin, Justin, and Travis) play Dungeons & Dragons with their dad, Clint. And it debuted at the number one position on the New York Times Paperback Fiction Bestseller list. For a comic book, let alone a comic book based on a podcast where three guys play D&D with their dad, that’s a pretty big deal! The McElroy brothers are better known for their “advice” podcast My Brother My Brother and Me (and just a whole family size of other podcasts), but their D&D podcast carries such a comforting current of humor, family infighting, funny voices, and excellent world creation that I sometimes wonder if The Adventure Zone rivals its elder podcast sibling.

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Matt Groening's Disenchantment: High Fantasy, with Bulgy-Eyed Comedic Potential


Back in the olden days, before binge viewing, it sure was easier to give developing shows a fair shake. DisenchantmentSimpsons and Futurama creator Matt Groening’s first venture onto Netflix’s fertile turf—feels, well, pretty much like the initial seasons of his other shows, with some clunky construction, slow-growing characterizations, and lots and lots of bulgy-eyed comedic potential. Based on the first seven episodes, confidence is fairly high, even if it currently resides mostly in the “affectionate chuckle” phase.

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Good Morning, News: Chipotle is Gross, Trump Cancels Military Parade, China Wants to Become the New Global Superpower

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

jetcityimage / Getty Images

Good Morning, Portland! I hope you have good weekend plans—between the air quality clearing up and lovely temperatures in the 80s all weekend, this may well be the best weekend in August to get outside and do some activities! Let's get to the news.

Elon Musk is a sad boy. He's had a really rough year, and also is under investigation for maaaybe manipulating the stock markets by tweeting that Tesla is about to go private for $420 per share, "funding secure."

That guy who refused to bake a cake for a gay couple also refused to bake a cake for a trans woman. The state's civil rights division decided he is required to make the cake, and, get this, he's suing the state over it!

Trump canceled plans for a showy military parade in Washington DC, blaming officials at the city level for inflated costs. The parade could have cost more that $90 million. Maaan, if Trump got to live like his buddy Kim Jong Un, no one would dare talk about costs before throwing a military parade!

Socialized Medicine: New York University's school of medicine is planning to offer free tuition to students studying to become doctors. Students will still pay nearly $30,000 a year in room and board, but NYU hopes the program will help doctors choose specialties based on caring for people instead of making money to pay of tremendous student loans. Less plastic surgeons, more primary practice doctors!

A CIA official believes China is planning to replace the United States as a global superpower.

Trump is expecting a "red wave" in November, but the results of special elections may show that may wrest control of the house from Republicans instead. FiveThirtyEight gives Democrats a 75 percent chance of retaking the house this year.

Asylum seekers are being denied asylum in increasing numbers, thanks to the Trump Administration's stricter policies—namely that those fleeing domestic abuse and gang violence don't have grounds for an asylum claim.

Chipotle keeps making people sick, and now the company is retraining its employees so they stop leaving food out at unsafe temperatures. Here's the real question: Who the hell still eats Chipotle?

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Things to Do Friday!

Y.G.B Portland + Black Panther
In one of the most organic mash-ups I’ve ever come across, YGB (Young Gifted and Black/Brown) is hosting a Black Panther screening as part of the city’s “Free Movies In the Park” summer series. St. Johns rapper Mic Capes will perform before the movie starts, along with soul singer Scooty. There will also be free face painting by artist Tazha. A few ground rules: You should eat your edibles (since vaping and smoking in the park is prohibited), leash your dog, and don your very best Wakanda-inspired garb. Alcohol consumption is allowed for personal use during the concert/movie. JENNI MOORE
6:30 pm, Lents Park, free, all ages

The PDX Drive-In Movie Spectacular
Sure, America’s insane obsession with cars has irrevocably decimated the environment and led to millions of horrific deaths… but the automobile also gave us drive-in movies, so it all evens out. This weekend, the Portland Expo Center is hosting their PDX Drive-in Movie Spectacular, inviting Portlanders to drive, bike, or walk onto the Expo Center grounds, park or sit in a comfy spot in front of their giant outdoor screen, and enjoy a slew of great movies: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (Fri Aug 17), Dirty Dancing (Sat Aug 18), and Best in Show (Sun Aug 19). Thanks, Expo Center! Thanks, cars! ERIK HENRIKSEN
Fri-Sun 6:30 pm, Portland Expo Center, $5 per person, $15 per carload

Jawbreaker, Swearin', Hurry Up
One of the most influential bands to ever exist, New York’s Jawbreaker sweetened hardcore punk’s bile and paved the way for countless emo and pop punk bands to come. Reunited after two decades, Jawbreaker’s original lineup is packing ’em in for two nights at the Crystal, and while ticket prices are hefty, it’s one of the most impressive triple bills of the year: Swearin’ and Portland’s own Hurry Up are opening, so be prompt. NED LANNAMANN
Fri-Sat 8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $50, all ages

Sávila, Sister Mantos, DJ Anjali & The Incredible Kid, Liberaces, We The Dreamers
Named for the plant non-Spanish speakers know as aloe, Portland-based cumbia band Sàvila plays music with similar healing properties. Already beloved for the surfy riffs of guitarist Fabiola Reyna (founder of She Shreds magazine), the haunting vocals of Brisa Gonzalez, and the insistent rhythms of percussionist Papi Fimbres, this Friday the trio is finally releasing their long-awaited debut and celebrating with a blowout party at Polaris Hall. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, Polaris Hall, $12

Lez Stand Up: Hot August Dykes
Lez Stand Up heats up another showcase of quality queer comedy, including sets from regulars Laura Anne Whitley, Caitlin Weierhauser, and Kirsten Kuppenbender, along with L.A.'s Amanda Faye Jimenez, and a special birthday guest spot from Carlos the Rollerblader
8 pm, Siren Theater, $12-15

Flynt Flossy & Turquoise Jeep
Purveyors of a genre they call EMB hip-hop ("Existing Musical Beings"), for nearly a decade Turquoise Jeep have brought humor back into hip-hop and R&B. There have been a few changes to the Turquoise Jeep roster, as they've said goodbye to the sultry voice of Pretty Raheem and Yung Humma, the creator of their most famous hit "Lemme Smang It," but the boys continue to churn out hilariously sensual jams. For those in the mood to get a little "Licky Sticky" belting out lyrics about their "Cavities," Turquoise Jeep know how to bring seductive performances (which often include audience participation). It's no wonder they've managed to "keep the jeep ridin'" for all these years. CERVANTE POPE
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $15

Ings, Jessica Dennison & Jones, Kendall Core, Pat Moon
The Seattle-based singer/songwriter brings her harmony-driven "lullaby rock" back down the I-5 for an intimate Portland show with support from Jessica Dennison & Jones, Kendall Core, and Pat Moon.
8 pm, Turn! Turn! Turn!, $10

Aaron Freeman and Mickey Melchiondo—AKA Gene and Dean Ween—bring their shapeshifting experimental rock band out of New Hope, Pennsylvania back through town for a two-night stand on the picturesque Edgefield lawn.
Fri-Sat 6:30 pm, Edgefield, $49.50-52, all ages

Tribute to the Music of Motown
DJ Action Slacks (Shannon Wiberg) hauls her record collection up to St. Johns to spearhead this monthly dance party celebrating the golden era of Motown Records.
9 pm, The Fixin' To, $7

The Portland Mercury's Burger Week
Have you not yet partaken of the patties on offer at 50 fine dining establishments throughout the city, all prepared to be procured for the low low price of five mere dollars? WELL THERE'S ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT TO DO THAT, YA BIG DUMMY. Burger Week is a celebration not just of local business, but the local chefs with amazing imaginations (and the culinary skill to make those burgery dreams a delicious reality), and besides—how often do you get a chance to dig into this many delectable miracles so affordably? You got two days left to get in on this Burger Week goodness. Make 'em count.
Various Locations, click here for a full list of participating venues, $5

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

Marky Mark's Horrible Mile 22 Is Barely a Movie

Look at me, Im a real tough guy!... Whaddaya mean I blink when I shoot?
"Look at me, I'm a real tough guy!... Whaddaya mean I blink when I shoot?"

Bad movies aren’t uncommon. A lot of the time, they can even be fun. But it’s truly (and blessedly) rare to come across a movie as shoddily made, as contemptuous of its own story, and as utterly disinterested in being comprehensible as Mile 22. It is a loathsome, hateful thing without a single redeeming quality.

The “movie,” which is more accurately described as a haphazard assemblage of random sound and image, is ostensibly about a group of secret American spy people who do secret spy things with the help of guns and grenades and expensive surveillance technology. Mark Wahlberg is one of the group, The Walking Dead’s Lauren Cohan is another, and John Malkovich is their eye in the sky. It’s directed by Peter Berg with what seems to be outright malice toward the audience. It’s also the fourth of Berg's collaborations with Wahlberg, and some have suggested it continues the duo’s tradition of dick-wagging, flag-waving, pro-American tales of heroism (Lone Survivor, Deepwater Horizon, Patriots Day). Maybe it does, but I found Mile 22 so completely incoherent that I can’t really say it contains an outlook or philosophy of any kind.

Wahlberg, Cohan, and their team are assigned to smuggle an “asset” (played by The Raid: Redemption’s Iko Uwais) out of the fictitious Indocarr City. This asset knows how to disarm some bombs that are about to explode, so it’s basically a rampage across a hostile cityscape of brown people as the team gets to a runway where a plane’s waiting. Bullets fly, things explode, and everything is edited within an inch of its life, with blurry surveillance footage and regular bad cinematography blended into nauseating visual chum. The camera operators seem to have forgotten to point their cameras at the actors, and editing has all the rhythm of a hiccupping flea who’s just taken a fat hit of angel dust. One might theorize that Berg is taking his inspiration from the work of Paul Greengrass and Michael Bay, but the overriding suspicion is that he has never seen a movie of any kind nor witnessed a human interaction.

So we get grisly, unintelligible violence and Wahlberg saying “fuck” a lot. His character insults his coworkers with unfunny smart-aleck remarks, which makes him one of the most abhorrent protagonists I've ever seen in a movie. A narrative device intercuts Mile 22's slight story with Wahlberg's commentary/testimony at a legal hearing, but the bullshit that falls out of his mouth is a marshmallow-brained simpleton’s idea of what a tough guy sounds like. Most of the time, the sound design is so bad that you can’t understand what the characters are saying. This may be a small mercy.

Uwais has some pretty sweet martial arts moves, but it’s almost as if Berg went out of his way to not put them in the movie; whatever makes it onscreen seems to be there as if by accident. The rest of Mile 22 is just plain atrocious. It’s actually impressive that all the people who made it—at least some of whom, one assumes, have made other movies, or at least have vague ideas of how movies work—have done their jobs this poorly. I say this as a lover of action films and as someone with a soft spot for the type of goofy espionage bullshit this movie is modeled after: Mile 22 is vile, despicable, and entirely unacceptable.

Green Hop Fest Block Party Is Coming This Saturday


This Saturday, August 18, Green Hop Dispensary will be holding a block party. It's not a street fair, so if this term is somewhat foreign to you, I urge you to watch and then re-watch the excellent concert film Dave Chapelle's Block Party.

Starting at noon, the Green Hop Fest Block Party will welcome a long list of skilled MCs and musicians to the stage, all playing this benefit for the Green Hop Academy, which "is designed to teach and bring more people of color into the cannabis industry." We should always work towards that goal, everywhere and all the time, but now you can help others rise up while you get down. Unless you plan to do the the robot or running man, in which case, please stop.

The party is, first off, FREE. But if it were $5, you would laugh at the steal of a deal you were getting, so maybe throw $5 to the effort via a donation to Green Hop. It runs noon to 9 pm at 5515 NE 16th, and you should grab your ticket with the link listed below.

The list of who is playing is extensive to say the least, with headliners Dead Prez closing out the night. but get there at noon and make a day of it with the following performers: Mic Crenshaw, Blossom, Stephen Jerome, Keylaj, Danny Sky, Young Jersey Mane, Fountaine, Easy McCoy, Hanif, Rasheed Jamal, Glenn Waco, Wes Guy, Risky Star, Mic Capes, and Dead Prez. Check out the event on our calendar for more info and a link to register for tickets.

Sat Aug 18, noon-9 pm, Green Hop Dispensary, 5515 NE 16th, FREE