BLAZERS—Conventional wisdom said the Blazers would pretty much eat shit all year and score a nice draft pick for their troubles. So of course they’re in contention for the eighth seed in the Western Conference. The only team near ’em? The Sacramento Kings. Expect a prideful scrap at the Moda tonight. BOBBY ROBERTSModa Center, 1 […]
Blogs
Posted inI, Anonymous
When We Broke Up
I remember when we broke up, you pulled the all time middle school ghost move…stopped talking to me and hoped I would get the picture. You can’t exactly do that when our entire relationship was built off of uncomfortable interactions and long periods of no contact, no affection, no nothing. But I really have to […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Divine Division
Dear SE Portland, please go fuck yourself. By an apparent stroke of luck I found a small room on the hip street Division last year. For months this summer there was constant noise of the house next door being remodeled. As the formerly pleasant roommate finally vacated her shit (two weeks after she’d stopped paying […]
Posted inNews
Hillary the Pragmatist Stares Down Bernie the Revolutionary at Town Hall
Hillary prepares for transport to the Romulan ambassador’s ship. a katz / Shutterstock.com Why, Democrats, why are you making us choose? Why must we have either the practical, down-to-Earth Hillary or the dreamy, optimistic Bernie? Please find a way to fashion a candidate who is both. Last night’s “town hall” on CNN once again highlighted […]
Posted inR.I.P.
Actor Abe Vigoda Dies; Associated Press Takes a Big Smelly Crap On Him
Classic character actor Abe Vigoda—star of TV’s hilarious Barney Miller, and Sal Tessio in The Godfather—has passed away at the age of 94. His family says he died simply of “old age,” and he will certainly be missed. If you’ve never seen him in action, check out this clip where his silence is golden. All […]
Posted inTV
Three Things About Last Night’s X-Files, “Founder’s Mutation”
THE X-FILES “It’s definitely a skull, Mulder. I can tell because I am a medical doctor.” Yep, it was a definite improvement over Sunday night’s episode, “My Struggle,” and not JUST because it had a BLOODY BABY HAND REACHING OUT OF ITS MOTHER’S STOMACH!!! (Spoilers below, obviously.) • Okay, but seriously: Written and directed by […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
You Are Getting Fired
You are getting fired! YOU are getting FIRED! Yoo hoo are getting fy yard! YOU you you you you are are get GET ting fie hi hi hiy y yard! yur gettin’ fired, pilgrim. Oh, No? OH YEAH! you you are getting fired(in a really high rock and roll voice) fired, Fuck to the YEAH!, […]
Posted in?!?!?
The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day: Your Dumb Hat
This just in: DUMB HATS ARE DUMB. You wore your giant-brimmed hat to the Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats concert because it was cold outside and your precious noggin was chilly. That’s cool—I totally love wearing hats when it’s cold outside. But inside the venue, when 2,000 other concertgoers are smashed together in a […]
Posted inSex
Savage Love Letter of the Day: Friends In Deed
I have a friend who’s 30 and only just coming out of the closet. I’m eighteen and I’ve been openly gay for a few years now, so I’ve been helping him along the way. There’s one thing I can’t help him with: he reckons he’s a top and wants to try fucking me. I’m more […]
Posted inTV
The Bachelor Recap: Episode 4—What Happens In Vegas Burns, Oh God It Burns
Courtesy of TVGuide.com I never mention this moment in the recap, but it happened. Hey Rose-heads! Tonight I watched the Democratic Town Hall where three smart and compassionate leaders made their case to be the next president of United States. Each candidate talked about real issues: foreign policy, inequality, social justice, climate change. It left […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Portland’s Helicopter Non-Parents
This is for all of my fellow Portlanders who think they need to chime in on my child’s wardrobe. You don’t, and it’s none of your goddamn, fucking business! We don’t need your looks and snide comments as we walk the two blocks from the parking garage to the daycare because my kid is not […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
A Closer Look
I try not to pay too much attention to the debacle and lame news about the guys who took over the Harney County Refuge. These people are claiming to be law abiding, and they are running quite a show. Yesterday I saw the Sharp siblings from Kansas being used at the campground to support their […]