You may have heard tales of the fable Robot Chef. You may have even seen the following video. But if you’re not really really scared, you didn’t pay close enough attention. Sure, it sounds nice to replace a human chef with a robot chef for half the cost. But did you catch what the restaurateur […]
Horrors
Posted inHorrors
Another Reason Why Limeys are the Worst People in the World
Happy birthday, Dave! From a bunch of Limeys who apparently hate you. (Maybe next year they’ll devise a cake that shoots rusty razor blades.)
Posted inCrime
You Might Have to Run, Hide, and Fight If You’re Somewhere You Can’t Have a Gun
Mass shootings are on everyone’s mind these days. It was the first thing most of us thought about when we heard the early, sketchy reports of this morning’s disgruntled-employee-shootout-with-the-cops in New York City. Thankfully, our own local police force has been thinking about safety, too. Take a look! (Unless you have PTSD!) Who’s behind this […]
Posted inMusic
Tonight’s Nightmare… Today!
Over the past day or so, I’ve felt like I’ve been often treated unfairly in one way or another. And while the “right” thing to do would be to suck it up, and take the high road—that’s not what Doctor Doom would do, is it? (WWDDD?) That’s why I’m punishing the people who have offended […]
Posted inTV
New American Horror Story Teasers!
American Horror Story—definitely one of my top three current favorite TV shows—is returning this October with a mostly new cast (Jessica Lange’s still there, YAYY!) and a whole new story line (set in an asylum… BRRRR). Here are the first three teasers for it, all of which are horrifying, confusing, and jam crammed with WTF?!? […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Welcome Back to Shark Wednesday!
Jaws came out on Blu-ray yesterday (I’ll have a review of the disc up later this week, but the short version is you should go buy it immediately), and it’s Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, which perhaps explains why my day has been particularly shark-centric. First AICN had this great behind-the-scenes photo from Jaws— […]
Posted inHorrors
Kill It Kill It Kill It NOW
Photo by Richard Turner, via io9 “It wasn’t attached to the ground or anything,” explained [Richard] Turner in an email to io9, “[it was] just lying there in the grass. I’ve shown the picture to a bunch of people and nobody has any idea what it is.” Turner described the mass as unusually soft, almost […]
Posted inHorrors
Man Moderately Squished in Recycling Truck
This is right up there on my list of worst fears: On Friday August 10, 2012, at approximately 3:45 a.m., Portland Police were called to cover medical personnel at Mall 205 in the Hazelwood neighborhood on the report of a man who had been dumped from a dumpster into the back of a recycling truck. […]
Posted inPuppy
The Most Adorable Shark Week Yet!
As dutifully reported in this week’s I Love Television™, SHARK WEEK IS A-COMIN’, Y’ALL! And while I’m sure you’ll thrill to such subtly titled shows as Air Jaws Apocalypse, check out this somewhat less violent, and tons more ADORBZ parody called “Animals Acting Like Sharks Week.” (If you see a kitten fin, GET OUT OF […]
Posted inHorrors
To Kill a Rat
I am falling asleep at my desk today because for the past two nights, I have been scheming to kill a rat. I was excited about killing this rat. Which is rare, because I go out of my way not to kill animals, living in a city and not eating meat and all. But two […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Tomorrow Night on Syfy: H. Perry Horton’s Shark Week!
VO MINH MCBURNEY A while back I wrote a feature about Portland’s own H. Perry Horton—by day, he’s just a dude who works at Movie Madness, but by night, he writes movies like 2-Headed Shark Attack and A Haunting in Salem for the Asylum, the low-budget horror flick factory that cranks out movies for home […]
Posted inContest
Tales of Tri-Met Terror Contest Closes in MERE HOURS!
Ever wanted to squeeze $300 from the rapidly desiccating corpse of print media? THEN READ ON! If you haven’t already submitted 300 terror-filled words to our True Tales of TriMet Terror contest, now’s pretty much your last chance—the contest ends at noon. So get squeezing. YES, THE TRAM COUNTS.