MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 Are you thinking of becoming a surrogate mother? Us, too! But here’s a tried and true rule to remember when deciding which method of conception to use: “If you screw, the kid belongs to you.” If only we could have relayed this fact to poor Richard L. Guinn of Medford, before he […]
One Day at a Time
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, AUGUST 27 It was what some would call a normal evening at the Blackbird, Portland’s indie-rock haven that is until an off-duty cop smashed his truck through the wall! For the newsier details of the incident that, frankly, bore us to tears, please turn to “News, pg 7.” But here’s what happened on the […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, AUGUST 20 The week’s hottest tips from Hollywood’s gossip sheets! This past February we all looked on in smirking bemusement when Jennifer “J.Lo” Lopez kicked former beau, Sean “Puffy,” “P-Diddy,” “H.R. Puff ‘N’ Stuff” Combs to the curb. So it’s been what? Four, five, six months? And guess who’s now wearing a big chunka […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, AUGUST 13 This incessant heat has got to stop! It’s wreaking all sorts of damage, especially in the form of wildfires. In fact, the situation has become so dire that Governor John Kitzhaber has declared a state of emergency, calling out the National Guard to assist in putting out the blazes. While One Day […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, AUGUST 6 America’s favorite clones, Jenna and Barbara Bush, have been whooping it up again! According to the New York Post, the likker-lovin’ twin daughters of George W. were spotted at two wild parties last week–first at a spirited bash at the Beverly Hills Niketown (!!), and the following night at a party for […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 30 It’s been a troubling week–psychologically speaking–for our favorite celebrities. Today the New York Post published some outtakes from an upcoming Details interview with former Cap’n Kirk, William Shatner. In his defense, Bill has had some recent rough times. Much of his Priceline.com stock went belly-up in the recent tech. crash, and two […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 23 “The girls danced and started fondling me,” said poor, put-upon basketball star Patrick Ewing, as he testified in court today about a strip club that federal prosecutors believe is a front for the Gambino organized crime family. Making the accusation that Atlanta’s famous Gold Club has been luring professional sports figures into […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 16 One Day was extremely shocked and wary after receiving the following letter today from the IRS: “Dear Taxpayer: We are pleased to inform you that the United States Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed into law the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001, which provides long-term tax […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 9 Ripples of horror and confusion spread like wildfire through fan websites today when the Backstreet Boys revealed on MTV’s Total Request Live that member A.J. McLean has checked himself into rehab for “clinical depression, anxiety and excessive consumption of alcohol.” A.J., who is referred to by publicists as the “tattooed bad boy” […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 2 While many of us without a care in our heads took to the open road to celebrate summer, the International War Crimes Tribunal was stuck indoors, busy trying to tie up a few untidy loose ends from the past decade. And it doesn’t look like the Tribunal’s esteemed judges will be heading […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 25 If you’ve noticed that your personal life is going crazy, join the club! Portlanders have been reporting that work-related stress is skyrocketing, weird violent behavior has tripled, and almost three-quarters of the Mercury staff has either broken up with or is experiencing severe problems with their significant others. WHAT THE HELL IS […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 18 Newsflash! Hollywood is really weird. Though it is always extremely popular for a celebrity to have a stalker, now even the Hollywood stalkers have their own stalkers–in this case Ben Affleck. Dig this: Alleged stalker Matthew Hooker–who not only has been ordered to stop bugging the shit out of starlet Nicole Kidman, […]