MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26 As the rest of the country continues to tumble into a big pot of poop (see the following entries of One Day if you demand evidence), there is one bright shining moment we Portlanders can look forward to: Benicio Del Toro is coming back to town! According to Variety, director William Friedkin’s […]
One Day at a Time
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19 Under normal conditions, One Day is always a strong proponent of “love.” However, in certain instances, we simply cannot endorse relationships that make us say “Eww! Eww! Eww! ICK!!” This week’s relationship in question is the open canoodling that’s been going on between honky rapper Eminem (age 29) and aging ex-starlet Kim […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12 As Kasey Kasem likes to say, “the hits just keep on coming.” Today roughly 270 people were killed when American Airlines Flight 587, en route to the Dominican Republic, crashed into the Rockaway Beach neighborhood of Queens, New York. Though many feared the crash was yet another terrorist attack similar to the […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 5 According to a report issued by the Labor Department today, the number of laid-off workers on unemployment has reached an 18-year high, jumping from an average 46,000 jobless claims to a whopping 450,000. That sucks! To find out more about how people are dealing with this unemployment trauma, see this week’s feature […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 29 Always a calming influence on the national psyche, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced today that we should expect unspecified possible attacks against America “over the next week.” And although nothing happened the last time Ashcroft made an announcement of this nature, we here at One Day decided to get all our […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 22 Forget all the people killed in the WTC tragedy, forget about the people laid off from their jobs, and forget about those poor people who have contracted anthrax. The people you really should be worrying about are America’s fashion designers. In a truly troubling turn of events, top designers such as Donna […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 15 In celebration of National Anthrax Hysteria week, One Day is more than happy to spotlight some of the more egregious examples of–as our dear mother used to put it–“people runnin’ around like chickens with their heads cut off.” (Mother was always big on graphic imagery.) Law enforcement officials statewide have faced a […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 8 Those of us who have not been completely swept up by patriotism and are still capable of forming coherent thoughts, know that the United States government played a significant role in why certain Middle Eastern nations hate our guts. But hold on a second! That doesn’t mean that your Uncle Manny is […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 Another senseless terrorist action has taken place! And this time, the evil has struck right here in Portland. Here is the true, horrible story. Brad and Janet (not their real names) had just started dating. After a romantic evening on the town, the two went back to Janet’s to shall we say […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 It was bad enough to discover that international terrorists had infiltrated our country, taking American jobs, learning to drive American hazardous waste trucks, and working out in our American gyms–but have they also taken up jobs in the Gresham Kmart? Late last night, KOIN 6 News received a copy of a fax […]
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The Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 Today we all wished that Hollywood would just CALM DOWN, and realize that erasing every single reference to the WTC attack is not going to make us feel all hunky-dory. This week, a new episode of the NBC hit, Friends is getting entirely reworked simply because it takes place in an airport. […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 What follows is a report from ex-Portland native Jeffrey Jassmond, who moved to New York City yesterday; the day before the worst tragedy in American history. Welcome to the Big Apple. “My dog Misha was retching, and I was trying to sleep. I arrived in the city at 9:30 the night before […]