MONDAY, AUGUST 12 Wedding bells were ringing across the gossip pages of America today when it was announced that actor Nicolas Cage and famous progeny Lisa Marie Presley exchanged vows of holy matrimony. This is the type of story that really pisses off gossip-mongers, because we hate it when a high-profile couple gets hitched and […]
One Day at a Time
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, AUGUST 5 Is Britney Spears tumbling into an ever-spiraling pit of insanity? Probably not. But according to “those in the know,” the crown princess of teeny-pop is suffering major burnout and still nursing the heart that was smashed by that worthless cad, Justin Timberlake. “She’s planning on moving back to Louisiana and living with […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 29 People are mad this week. We don’t know if it’s the heat that’s making us entertain thoughts of bashing in someone’s head with a meat cleaver, or our sinuses being clogged to the point where only two molecules of oxygen can sneak through every three hours. Our point is, people are mad. […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 22 Justin Timberlake, you is a DOG! It’s certainly bad enough you’re skipping out of ‘N SYNC rehearsals to record a solo album–but to then trample the tenderized heart of Britney Spears by openly canoodling with sex kitten Janet Jackson? What could possibly be worse? How about smooching up to Christina Aguilera? According […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 15 This just in to the “One Day at a Time” News Desk (which is actually just a stack of back issues of Mademoiselle–but don’t stop me now!), the most hated man in the universe, Osama bin Laden, is ALIVE and HEALTHY or so says the London-based Arabic newspaper Al-Quds Al-Arabi. According to […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 8 Say what you will about the New York Post–that it’s a mean-spirited, right-wingish rag catering to knee-jerk patriots and the thick-skulled lower classes–but nobody beats ’em at GOSSIP! In this week’s edition, the Post came through again with what could be the juiciest squirt of dirt of 2002: the alleged romance between […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JULY 1 With July 4th just around the corner, many Americans spent today pumping up their patriotic fervor to properly celebrate the upcoming holiday. However, their pumpiness was deflated after learning that a U.S. plane accidentally bombed a wedding party in Afghanistan. The bomb fell this morning around 1 am in the central Afghan […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 24 Whoopee! Though you probably thought this day would never come, it’s time to like Rosie O’Donnell again! According to New York’s Page 6 gossip sheet, ever since Rosie’s quit her daytime talk show, she’s dropped her nicey-dyke image, and is napalming a path through Hollywood. For example, at the opening party for […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 17 Previously on As the Booty Turns Jennifer Lopez threatens to divorce choreographer hubby Cris Judd, but keeps him around the house as a kept boy. Meanwhile, she’s gallivanting around town canoodling with the likes of Ben Affleck and Ralph Fiennes a fact that has not gone unnoticed by former beau Sean “H.R. […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 10 Here it comes! More juicy, juicy J. LO gossip! As you no doubt recall from last week’s installment of One Day, Jennifer Lopez has given her hubby the old heave-ho! Sources close to Ms. LO (and her choreographer husband Cris Judd) have confirmed the twosome are splitsville OR ARE THEY? The New […]
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One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, JUNE 3 Excuse us, but why is everyone in the world being so mean to Winona Ryder? Sure, her movies aren’t so great, and she’s somewhat of a slut, but she’s cute as a bug and we ADORE HER (“we” as in the royal we, which of course does not include that horse’s ass, […]
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Week in Review
MONDAY, MAY 27 Ever wonder why people suddenly “up and go” homosexual? It’s because Cher made them that way! According to a new memoir by Chastity Bono, the daughter of the famous gay icon went gay herself after “her absentee mom left her in the care of an older lesbian.” Titled The End of Innocence […]